FrankTalks.com Blog

Online Dating – The Digital Fantasy meets Flesh and Reality

2012-01-29T22:48:00.001-05:00

Online Dating – The Digital Fantasy meets Flesh and Reality

By Frank Kermit

Online dating is no longer the scary thing it used to be. The stigma has passed. The stereotypical image of the teenager forever hogging the one phone line in the house has been replaced by the young adult that is too busy texting multiple friends to notice where they are going as they walk into ongoing traffic. In fact, younger generations are starting to feel more at ease with relating to each other through technology than they do in a person-to-person encounter. What will this hold for our future family builders? Time will tell. In the meantime, new technologies will also end up being just one more medium where boys and girls find themselves connecting.

OK, this is the scenario: You meet a great person months ago through a friend on Facebook. You don’t do this type of thing EVER, but this person seems very intelligent and there is something interesting about them. You live in separate cities, but that does not stop you. You start exchanging some private messages that turn into long texts and then phone conversations. You are getting along very well. Things are going great and you find yourself in a long distance relationship with someone that you have not actually met in person. Soon, you start swapping sexy photos with promises of more sizzling excitement yet to come. Finally, one day, you decide that you are going to visit that special someone in your life for the first time. You meet, you have a great time, and you even have sex. Wow! Could life get any better? You agree to continue the romance after you return home. You start to think to yourself that you have finally found someone, and that maybe it’s time for one of you to live with the other. All of a sudden the phone calls become less frequent. The texts become less personal, and you haven’t spotted a sexy pic of your true love in your email thread since you can’t remember when. You ask if everything is OK? Your partner tells you everything is fine, but you know it’s not like it was before. Finally it becomes clear that the only time you communicate is when you initiate it, otherwise it could be days if not weeks before you get a hello (or a poke or a wink depending on what social networking site you use.) You can feel it slipping away, so you decide to make one last ditch attempt and tell your future “spouse” how you are feeling and how important that person is to you. In response, your future spouse tells you that time is needed to think about the relationship and where it is going. Just a few months ago, that person couldn’t get enough of you, but now? You fear the worst and wonder if there is someone else. Did you do something wrong? What could have possibly happened when things were going so great? Is it you or is it the other person?

Online dating does have some major flaws that come with the medium. Aside from the potential dangers that generally exist when you meet anyone new that moves from the stranger to the lover position, online relationships struggle mostly because they are not real relationships. So much of what makes an online relationship work, especially if you factor in long distance and very little actual time together, is that most of where that relationship exists in your head. It is not based on reality, but often on what you want the other person to be. When reality collides with fantasy reality will always win. People who thrive in online relationships might be doing so as a means to avoid any actual intimacy. Easier to deal with people that you don’t actually have to be with. When the reality of how a person really is around you does not, and simply can’t, live up to the fantasy you have built in your mind as to who the other person is; it is just a matter of time before you have to acknowledge your feelings. The cold slap of reality is that the person you had feelings for might never have actually existed in real life.

Frank Kermit is a relationship coach, best selling author and educator, columnist for The West End Times and also appears regularly on CJAD’s Passion radio program. Frank can be reached through frank@franktalks.com

Frank Coaching is available at 20$ for 30 minutes

Fundraiser for Sexual Health Network of Quebec

2011-11-26T16:43:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone,
I am pleased to share with you all that the Sexual Health Network of Quebec is holding a Sextravaganza fundraiser party on December 15th, with all money going to sex ed in Quebec!
It will be a terrific night! It is being held at the Bains Douches night club, and we will have performers doing live shows, raffle prizes, a silent auction, and Dr. Laurie Betito broadcasting her radio show Passion live!
Tickets are only $10 in advance, and all proceeds go to our not for profit.
You can purchase your tickets at www.shnq.ca
Come join us for a fun and sexy evening for a great cause!
Hope to see you there!

Online Dating – The Digital Fantasy meets Flesh and Reality

2011-10-12T00:37:00.000-04:00

Online Dating – The Digital Fantasy meets Flesh and Reality
By Frank Kermit
Online dating is no longer the scary thing it used to be. The stigma has passed. The stereotypical image of the teenager forever hogging the one phone line in the house has been replaced by the young adult that is too busy texting multiple friends to notice where they are going as they walk into ongoing traffic. In fact, younger generations are starting to feel more at ease with relating to each other through technology than they do in a person-to-person encounter. What will this hold for our future family builders? Time will tell. In the meantime, new technologies will also end up being just one more medium where boys and girls find themselves connecting.
OK, this is the scenario: You meet a great person months ago through a friend on Facebook. You don’t do this type of thing EVER, but this person seems very intelligent and there is something interesting about them. You live in separate cities, but that does not stop you. You start exchanging some private messages that turn into long texts and then phone conversations. You are getting along very well. Things are going great and you find yourself in a long distance relationship with someone that you have not actually met in person. Soon, you start swapping sexy photos with promises of more sizzling excitement yet to come. Finally, one day, you decide that you are going to visit that special someone in your life for the first time. You meet, you have a great time, and you even have sex. Wow! Could life get any better? You agree to continue the romance after you return home. You start to think to yourself that you have finally found someone, and that maybe it’s time for one of you to live with the other. All of a sudden the phone calls become less frequent. The texts become less personal, and you haven’t spotted a sexy pic of your true love in your email thread since you can’t remember when. You ask if everything is OK? Your partner tells you everything is fine, but you know it’s not like it was before. Finally it becomes clear that the only time you communicate is when you initiate it, otherwise it could be days if not weeks before you get a hello (or a poke or a wink depending on what social networking site you use.) You can feel it slipping away, so you decide to make one last ditch attempt and tell your future “spouse” how you are feeling and how important that person is to you. In response, your future spouse tells you that time is needed to think about the relationship and where it is going. Just a few months ago, that person couldn’t get enough of you, but now? You fear the worst and wonder if there is someone else. Did you do something wrong? What could have possibly happened when things were going so great? Is it you or is it the other person?
Online dating does have some major flaws that come with the medium. Aside from the potential dangers that generally exist when you meet anyone new that moves from the stranger to the lover position, online relationships struggle mostly because they are not real relationships. So much of what makes an online relationship work, especially if you factor in long distance and very little actual time together, is that most of where that relationship exists in your head. It is not based on reality, but often on what you want the other person to be. When reality collides with fantasy reality will always win. People who thrive in online relationships might be doing so as a means to avoid any actual intimacy. Easier to deal with people that you don’t actually have to be with. When the reality of how a person really is around you does not, and simply can’t, live up to the fantasy you have built in your mind as to who the other person is; it is just a matter of time before you have to acknowledge your feelings. The cold slap of reality is that the person you had feelings for might never have actually existed in real life.
If you have any love, sex, dating or relationship issues that you would like to see explored in this column of the West End Times, please send your story by email to info@westendtimes.ca (originally submitted and printed in The West End Times)

Lulu offers 25% off until July 29

2011-07-26T23:45:00.000-04:00

Enter coupon code TIMECA305 at checkout and receive 25% off your order. The maximum savings for this coupon is $400. Offer good towards print costs only - shipping and tax amounts are excluded. You can only use the code once per account, and you can't use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes. This great offer ends on July 29, 2011 at 11:59 PM so try not to procrastinate! While very unlikely we do reserve the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so. Transaction must be in US dollars.

Lulu offers 20%-25% until June 15th

2011-07-12T23:23:00.001-04:00

Enter coupon code BIGCA305 at checkout and receive 20% off your order. The maximum savings for this offer is $100. Enter coupon code BIGGERCA305 at checkout and receive 25% off your order of $500 or more. The maximum savings for this offer is $500. Sorry, but these offers are only valid in US Dollars and cannot be applied to previous orders. You can only use these codes once per account, and unfortunately you can't use these coupons in combination with other coupon codes. These great offers expire on Friday July 15, 2011 at 11:59 PM, so don't miss out!

Frank on Kelly Alexander show June 30, 2011

2011-07-04T09:22:00.000-04:00

I was on the Kelly Alexander Podcast of June 30th, 2011

Topic: May-December Relationships: The Stigmas of Dating someone much older or much younger

You can listen to it at

http://www.franktalks.com/KellyAlexander/

-Frank

Lulu offers 20% off until June 30

2011-06-25T10:40:00.001-04:00

Enter coupon code SUNSHINECA305 at checkout and receive 20% off your order. The maximum savings for this coupon is $250. Offer good towards print costs only - shipping and tax amounts are excluded. You can only use the code once per account, and you can't use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes. This great offer ends on June 30, 2011 at 11:59 PM so try not to procrastinate! While very unlikely we do reserve the right to change or revoke this offer at any time, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so. Transaction must be in US Dollars.

Frank Kermit officially a Lulu best seller!

2011-06-17T09:14:00.001-04:00

Got this email Feb 21st, but only saw it now:

Congratulations, franktalks!

As the result of your contributions to the community, you have earned a new rank. Your new rank is Bestseller.

We appreciate your efforts and hope you will continue to be an active member of the community.

Thanks!

The lulu Team

Frank on CJAD.com June 15th at 10 pm EST

2011-06-15T00:56:00.001-04:00

I will be on the Dr Laurie Show Passion at 10 pm EST on June 15, 2011.

Th topics on the show:
Older Women and Safe Sex
and
The Casanova Complex: Players who struggle with intimacy

Time: 10 pm to 11 pm EST

Listen live on the Internet at http://www.cjad.com

CALL IN NUMBER is
Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - TOLL FREE

Woman that detests porn seeks Frank Advice

2011-06-10T21:10:00.002-04:00

Dear Frank...
I need advice!! In regards to men & p0rn. What is "right" and what is "too much".
I own the house we live in (2nd marriage for me) and he brought in p0rn from the start. I put my foot down, told him I didn't want it in the house. He shouldn't need/use it..he has me, a willing partner.
So he does. Then 8 months later I find a ton of magazines in the garage. His response..."technically it wasn't in the house" - we fight again. All seems resolved.
A year later, I find a ton of magazines hidden in the seat of his car. We go around and around again. Again, he says no more. Again, he lies.
I detest p0rn. I detest him spending money on it when we need it for other things. I feel he is disrespecting me by lying & continuing with his habit. I tell him he has a problem...he tells me I am a prude.
What do I do? I don't want to divorce over this....but I don't want to be disrespected in my own home either. HELP!
-Detest Porn

Dear Detest Porn,
I see a couple of issues here.
The first is whether or not the porn is a threat to the marriage or an aid.
For some couples, porn is an aid, as it fills a need so that one or both partners do not stray and have affairs.
For other couples, porn is a threat because it encourages one or both partners to seek out other people. Do not assume it is always men. Many women enjoy porn too.
The question I have is, is porn an aid or a threat to your relationship.
The next issue is the question of values.
If porn is against your value system, why are you with someone that seeks it out? It is not about "should"...there is no "should". You have an intellectual construct about how a willing partner SHOULD be enough. It obviously is not the case for him. That is a reality you have to deal with. Did you discuss your values before you got married? Did you talk about porn being something at issue with you? When you did talk about it, were you presenting yourself as someone that can handle truth, or did you present the issues as "You better not ever bring that up!". It is not your fault you were lied to, but you do have to figure out if you present yourself as being able to handle a Frank discussion about topics you detest, otherwise you encourage people not to be honest with you.
Finally some issues with this situation...you own the house you both live in...to my understanding, when you get married (I assume from your writings you are married) that the assets are shared. If this is wrong, correct me. If it is right, then it is his house too, and although you may detest porn, it is not illegal.
The final question is how your INTERPRETATION of porn is different from his. You interpret porn as disrespecting you. It seems his interpretation of porn is something else. Part of this process is to figure out what exactly is the source of your interpretation of porn, and whether or not is an accurate one. You also have to consider what his interpretation of porn means to him. THAT is the beginning of figuring out if this is an issue that is an impasse to your relationship or not.
-Frank, because I have to be

Lulu offers 20% off until June 13

2011-06-10T19:50:00.001-04:00

Enter coupon code TOPCA305 at checkout and receive 20% off your order. The maximum savings for this coupon is $250. Offer good towards print costs only - shipping and tax amounts are excluded. You can only use the code once per account, and you can't use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes. This great offer ends on June 13, 2011 at 11:59 PM so try not to procrastinate! While very unlikely we do reserve the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so. Transaction must be in US Dollars
Copyright © 2002-2011 Lulu, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Entrez le code promo LEGERQC305 à la caisse et bénéficiez de 20% de réduction sur votre commande. Soit une économie maximum de 250 € avec cette promotion. Cette offre est uniquement valable pour les coûts d'impression - les frais d'expédition et les taxes sont exclus. Vous ne pouvez utiliser ce code qu'une seule fois par compte et vous ne pouvez pas l'utiliser en conjonction avec d'autres codes promo. Cette offre exceptionnelle expire le 13 juin 2011 à 23:59 GMT, alors ne tardez pas! Bien qu'improbable, nous nous réservons le droit de modifier ou d'annuler cette offre à tout moment et bien sûr nous ne pouvons offrir ce coupon où il est contraire à la loi de le faire.
Copyright © 2002-2011 Lulu, Inc. Tous Droits Réservés.

Frank LIVE on Art of Love Podcast Sun June 5 at 6 pm EST

2011-06-05T07:57:00.001-04:00

Frank Kermit makes his 4th appearance on The Art of Love Podcast, hosted by Lucia. On this show, Frank and Lucia talk about an article that Lucia wrote regarding nice guys and why women like jerks. The article went viral and to help address a number of the responses from angry male readers, Frank and Lucia will dissect the article to figure out what the controversy is all about.

We will be talking about nice guys, jerks, why women want to be with friends with certain guys, and have sex with others and ways for a guy to change into someone more attractive without becoming jerks themselves.

Lucia is a Dating and Relationship Expert whose intent is to entertain, educate and enlighten. Known throughout major media as a "Cougar Expert", Lucia defends and coaches older women who are dating and in relationships with younger men. In addition to her Cougar expertise she also produces an internet podcast radio show, writes a weekly column, has authored a book and has appeared regularly on multiple talk shows including The Tyra Banks Show and The Dr. Phil Show.

To listen to the show:
http://www.latalkradio.com/Lucia.php

Time 6 pm EST

-Frank

Two Support Groups in Montreal on Sunday May 29

2011-05-28T22:44:00.000-04:00

I will be at the www.thealcc.org to run two support groups for the last time.

4pm to 6 pm is Support Group for Alternative Lifestyle Families (Parents in AL are welcome)

and from

7pm to 9pm I am running my last Non-Monogamy Support Group.

Starting in June I am starting a Relationship Management Class.

-Frank

Discount on Lulu.com for FrankTalks Products

2011-05-28T22:43:00.000-04:00

25% off any order

Online coupon is CYBERMAY

Save up to 500$

www.lulu.com/franktalks

Frank in his second Match.com article!

2011-05-23T20:38:00.000-04:00

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12500/Romance-Rituals-Around-The-World/

Above is a link of a new Match.com article that Frank was interviewed for.

Frank on CJAD Wed May 18 at 10 pm EST

2011-05-18T00:18:00.000-04:00

Hi All,

I will be on the Dr Laurie Show Passion at 10 pm on Wednesday May 18, 2011.

Th topics on the show:

Online Dating Tips
and
Dating Single Parents

------------------------------------------------------

Time: 10 pm to 11 pm EST

Listen live on the Internet at http://www.cjad.com

CALL IN NUMBER is
Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - TOLL FREE

Say a prayer for Dr. Ellen

2011-05-16T09:08:00.000-04:00

Asking anyone who believes to say a prayer for Dr.Ellen of www.LightYourFire.com who is battling Breast Cancer right now.

Wishing Dr. Ellen whatever it takes to beat cancer.

-Frank

Lulu gets Canadian Printer and more coupons savings!

2011-05-14T22:59:00.000-04:00

Lower ship rates, quicker delivery, and printing within Canada. Plus 2 ways to save big this weekend.

We're thrilled to announce that our Canadian print partner is now live and ready to print, ship, and distribute your books across Canada! So what exactly does this mean for you and your audience?

Lower shipping rates
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See for yourself this weekend
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OR

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Hurry! Offers end May 16, 2011.

Enter coupon code LUCKYCA305 at checkout and receive 20% off any order. The maximum savings for this offer is $100. Enter coupon code CHARMCA305 at checkout and receive 25% off your order of $500 or more. The maximum savings for this offer is $750. Sorry, but these offers are only valid in US dollars and cannot be applied to previous orders. You can only use these codes once per account, and unfortunately you can't use these coupons in combination with other coupon codes. These great offers expire on May 16, 2011 at 11:59 PM PST, so don't miss out! While very unlikely, we do reserve the right to change or revoke these offers at anytime, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so.

The Next Frank Talks Class, Sat May 14th 2-5pm

2011-05-09T21:35:00.000-04:00

the Next class will be:

May 14th

Cost: 10$ per class.

time: 2pm to 5 pm

I am doing the class in association with The Alternative Lifestyle Community Center.

So, after the room get paid, they get their share of the 10$.

Address: 4200 boul St. Laurent Suite 417 ( 4th floor )
Montreal, Quebec H2W 2R2
Please turn left upon leaving the elevator.

Reminder, I will be running a support group for Non-Monogamy Relationships that will take place LAST Sunday May 29th. This will hopefully be my last class on the subject as someone else will be taking over.

If anyone wants a particular topic to be discussed, email me privately or post in this thread and I will prepare a lecture on that topic. It does not have to be based on my library.

-Frank

Frank on Kelly Alexander show May 5, 2011

2011-05-05T20:50:00.001-04:00

Frank B Kermit
is on the latest edition of The Kelly Alexander Show Podcast. His 4th appearance.

You can check it out right here: http://www.kellyalexandershow.com/showvault

Frank interviewed for EHealth Radio

2011-05-03T21:56:00.000-04:00

http://www.viamedic.com/health-articles//coaching-experts/frank-kermit

Frank was interviewed for E-Health Radio

Lulu offers 20% off until April 26

2011-04-22T20:46:00.000-04:00

Enter coupon code HOPCA305 at checkout and receive 20% off your order. The maximum savings for this coupon is $250. Offer good towards print costs only - shipping and tax amounts are excluded. You can only use the code once per account, and you can't use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes. This great offer ends on April 26, 2011 at 11:59 PM so try not to procrastinate! While very unlikely we do reserve the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so. Transaction must be in US Dollars

Media appearance on Wed April 13, 2011

2011-04-10T22:55:00.001-04:00

Hi All,

I will be on the Dr Laure Show Passion at 10 pm on Wednesday April 13, 2011.

Th topics on the show:

1st Half: Anniversaries for dating (1 month, 6 month, 1 year, etc...)
and
2nd Half: My parents do not like who I date

------------------------------------------------------

This show marks the 12th monthly show we do. Dating Dilemmas is now celebrating its one year anniversary.

Time: 10 pm to 11 pm EST

Listen live on the Internet at http://www.cjad.com

CALL IN NUMBER is
Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - TOLL FREE

I am going to do a PRIZE GIVEAWAY. Call in and if you make the most interesting of call ins, I will send you a FrankTalks product of your choice.

-Frank

lulu.com offers 20% off until Feb 28th 2011

2011-02-26T22:14:00.001-05:00

I didn't even know lulu was offering this. A friend of mine sent me an email to point this out.

Until the end of Feb 28th....

Get 20% off by using the coupon: FEBREADS

when making a Franktalks program purchase.

-Frank

lulu.com offers 20% off entire Franktalks Library

2011-02-02T18:34:00.001-05:00

For those of you waiting for a sale to make franktalks product purchases...

Enter coupon code DISCOVERCA305 at checkout and receive 20% off your order. The maximum savings for this coupon is $100. Offer good towards print costs only - shipping and tax amounts are excluded. You can only use the code once per account, and you can't use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes. This great offer ends on February 4, 2011 at 11:59 PM so try not to procrastinate! While very unlikely we do reserve the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so. Transaction must be in US Dollars.

Frank on Kelly Alexander show Feb 3, 2011

2011-02-01T18:56:00.000-05:00

Frank will be on The Kelly Alexander Show on Feb 3rd answering questions about V-Day! The show will be online as of 8pm EST at www.kellyalexandershow.com.

An ENA of Han Solo and Princess Leia

2011-01-18T21:19:00.000-05:00

Dear Franktalks Fans,

Franktalks student Pogz wrote out an emotional needs analysis based on the emotional needs of women using the fictional characters of Han Solo and Princess Leia as a fun exercise to see if they would actually have worked in the real world (as real as Star Wars characters could be). I found it so thoughtful and enjoyable that I wanted to share it with all of you.

-Frank

---------------------------------------------------------------

An ENA of Han Solo and Princess Leia
By Pogz

Han Solo and Princess Leia are a fictional couple. As audience members we can read anything we want into their attraction process because it is fiction. This has probably been done before, but if you want to play that game for fun:

EN1) Protected her reputation?
Her rep would be hurt by associating with "pirate Han". If you're a true princess and the leader of the rebellion, why would you hang out with a pirate who won't throw his lot in with your men, the very men she was trying to lead into battle? Why would she choose "pirate Han" when there are so many other courageous men around her of higher status... dying every day? "Many Bathins have given their lives for this information."

Leia: "Hey guys, great fighting... Sorry about the death of your platoon leader. What was his name... 'Joe' or something? I know I ordered him to take that planetoid. He will be missed. Now I hope you guys follow my leadership in the future... meanwhile, I'm going to go bang this pirate guy who won't fight along the side of you guys. You'll do what I ask in the future right?"

Yeah, people talk. That would have been a morale booster! Let's see, sleep with "pirate Han" and risk losing the war to the Empire? There's more to reputation than just what her girl friends would think of her.

No, it was only after "pirate Han" became "General Solo" that the Princess could completely give herself to him.

EN2) Provided her with a range of emotions
Yes, for the obvious bickering they do, but more importantly because he constantly wavered as to whether or not he'd stick around to help the rebellion. He's in, he's out, he's in, he's out... at least as far as the first two movies are concerned.

EN3) Cater to the little girl in her
No hugs from "pirate Han" when her planet was destroyed in the first movie. No sympathy from "pirate Han" for the impending Death Star attack on the rebel base. Not until halfway through 2nd movie do we see anything close to an act by "pirate Han" that would cater to her little girl (when she hurts her hand turning a wrench and he massages it). "General Solo" tries to comfort her in the Ewok village, but she pushes him away... so we never really see a good example of him catering to her in that way.

EN4) Dominance
"Pirate Han" meets this need of hers rather well. "I'm a scoundrel" - I'm a pilot/pirate with questionable morals, if we do the dead, if you fall in love with me, it is not your fault. "General Solo" sort of AFC's at the end of the last movie, when he says he'll step aside so she can be with Luke... luckily for "General Solo", Luke was her brother. Good thing Han didn't say to Leia, "I won't get in the way of you and Frank."

EN5) Fear of Abandonment
Her fear of abandonment issues are extremely high because her entire planet has been destroyed, her adoptive parents are dead, her biological mother is dead, she is estranged from her dead-beat biological father who destroyed her bio-mom's will to live (yes, like Luke, she has the force; so we must assume that at some level she knows these things), and the death of the all the men who fight for her cause.

Because "pirate Han" is constantly worried about paying his debt to Jabba, he's constantly threatening to leave her and the rebels to fend for themselves. Therefore he is constantly violating her EN5. It isn't until he's frozen in carbonite, Jabba is dead, helps destroy the death star for a second time, and the war is over that she's finally able to commit to him completely - when she knows he's not going to leave her.

Sure, going out into the blizzard for Luke somewhat addresses this need in her. But right after he's back, he's once again talking about leaving to go pay off Jabba. Yes, he wants her to admit that she loves him. But instead of saying "Yes, I want you to stay for me!", she instead calls him a "Scruffy Nerf Herder". Possibly what is irritating her here is that he is not committed to her cause. That she is testing him. Is "pirate Han" only there because he wants to bump uglies with her? Will he leave her if the Empire turns up the heat too high? Maybe it's not even that simple at that point... maybe she just can't handle his death, so she withholds her love, because if he dies it will hurt less.

EN6) Trust Him to be Honest
"Pirate Han" is blatantly honest with her, and is hardly ever afraid to tell her how he sees things. "General Solo" seems to be as well. Though in the third movie it seems more like "General Solo" is trying to control her behavior, the exact opposite of what happened in the first two movies.

EN7) Her physical protection and safety
"Pirate Han" helps rescue her from the belly of the beast (see Joseph Campbell), he saves her brother from her estranged dead-beat biological father at the end of the first movie, he pushes her behind him when he takes a couple of blaster shots at her dead-beat father when at cloud city, and then he allows himself to be frozen in carbonite.

The carbonite is probably the best expression of Frank's EN7, as Han can't take down the Empire himself, and in no way can he ever hope to defeat Vader on his own... but he TAKES THE HIT for her. One can argue that he had no choice, but... well... he ended up in the carbonite because he took responsibility for her safety when they left Hoth.

The passage is blocked. I'll get her out on the Falcon!

So he DID take the hit in order for her to escape. It is at this point, when he's being lowered in to the hole to be frozen, she says to him "I love you".

It could be argued that "pirate Han" leaves her with one last abandonment issue by saying "I know", instead of "I love you too". But this is where "pirate Han" dies. Wow, that's some dedication! In his final death act (ok, the script says he was frozen, but really guys, he died and was reborn like Jesus). This final act of his, the fact that he took the hit, proved that he would not abandon her. The war still needs to be won, but upon his rebirth, he will no longer be the pirate scoundrel who can't be relied upon. Instead, he will be "General Solo".

EN8) Handle Her Sexuality
As the Star Wars movies aren't overtly sexual (except maybe for the metal bikini), it's almost impossible for us to know if he could handle her sexuality. We assume that because he's a space pirate and doesn't care much about morality... that he believes "in a blaster", that he's probably of the mindset that whatever she's into, he'd be alright with it.

Another point here is that he must understand her sexuality somewhat because half-way through the second movie the hand rub on the Falcon got him a K-close... though he admittedly lost the F-close due to logistics. He couldn't recover from C3PO's interruption.

Lastly, as leader of the free galaxy and a princes (not to mention - being a petite, extremely hot woman in her 20s), most men probably see Leia as a Madonna figure, and suck up to her like no other woman in the galaxy. "Pirate Han" treats her like a man should, and thus she recognizes that he understands that the prim and proper princes is also a sexual being.

EN9) Prove you have high quality sperm
"Pirate Han" got an award for helping destroy the first Death Star, and died a frozen death toward the end of the second act of Empire Strikes Back. What a story to tell your girl friends. "My guy, he died for me! I feel so safe around him!" Girls, beware your friends! When thawed out at the beginning of Jedi, he was reborn as "General Solo." Having put in the work, he rose to the rank of General in the rebel forces.

Now that his deeds have earned him the respect of the men she leads, "General Solo" is now a high-status guy as he is a General - a rank fit for the boyfriend of a princes. We can assume that association with him adds to her reputation, and doesn't detract from it. Plus he's a pilot, and chicks dig pilots. It is probably safe to assume at this point that she no longer thinks of "General Solo" as a "Scruffy Nerf Herder."

EN10)
We never see "pirate Han" with another woman, we only see him hanging out with a naked Wookie... who appears to be quite devoted to the pirate... what's the special relationship there? Also "pirate Han" was once part of the Imperial navy (you'd have to have read some of the books to know that)... and you know what people say about sailors. Leia needs more info here in order to know whether or not he's a closeted Wookie lover...
==========================

In short, scoundrel pirate Han (the one she can't handle) doesn't get Leia, but respectable General Solo does get the princess. Pirate Han constantly violates many of her ENs or has yet to prove to her he can address her ENs. General Solo has addressed all of her ENs (Ok, maybe not EN10, but come on guys. The movie was targeted at Kids... so we'll let that one slide) and he gets the Babe. Thus he is no longer really her opposite, but instead her equal.

So no, opposites did not attract in the case of Han and Leia.

Now there maybe more evidence within the books about Han addressing or not addressing her needs, but that takes us back to my original point... these people are fictional, and thus, only George Lucas knows for sure whether or not Leia had her ENs addressed properly. My guess is that he probably didn't have Frank's theories to guide him when he wrote the script.

However, it seems to me that Han made some sort of "seducer's" journey throughout the trilogy, even though General Solo seems a little more wimpy at the end of the third movie than Pirate Han did at the beginning of the first. After all when he finally tells her that he loves her, she says back to him, "I know." Geesh!

lulu.com offers 20% off entire Franktalks Library

2011-01-15T09:31:00.001-05:00

Enter coupon code TREASURECA305 at checkout and receive 20% off your order. The maximum savings for this coupon is $100. Offer good towards print costs only - shipping and tax amounts are excluded. You can only use the code once per account, and you can't use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes. This great offer ends on January, 17 2011 at 11:59 PM so try not to procrastinate! While very unlikely we do reserve the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so. Transaction must be in US Dollars.

Frank quoted in Ryerson University Newspaper

2010-10-13T00:50:00.001-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I was quoted in the Ryerson University Newspaper The Eyeopener.

Here is the link to the story:

http://theeyeopener.com/2010/10/the-business-of-getting-lucky/

Frank on Kelly Alexander show Thurs Sept 30

2010-09-30T13:23:00.001-04:00

Frank will be interviewed on the Kelly Alexander show tonight. You can download the show at 11 pm tonight from
http://kellyalexandershow.com

Frank media appearance on Ottawa radio station

2010-09-05T09:36:00.000-04:00

Frank was recently interviewed over the phone. It is a 5 minute piece on seduction.
It will air on Sunday Sept 5th.

Radio host: Sue McGarvie

Media Outlet: EZ Rock Radio Talk Show, the show is called Sex With Sue

Website: http://www.ezrock.com

This is an OTTAWA radio station.

The show airs Sunday night. 8 pm to midnight.

5-minute phone interviews that get to the point and entertain an audience of women 30-50 who drink cosmos and for whom dust bunnies are one of the family. EZ Rock Radio Talk Show is a syndicated 'Tesh-like' talk show on relationships, geared to women 25-49, on love, intimacy, women's health, etc.

-Frank

Media Appearance Sept 1st 10 pm EST

2010-08-31T23:21:00.001-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I am going to be on

Dr. Laurie's Passion show on CJAD 800 AM radio Montreal.

The episode is a monthly feature entitled "Dating Dilemmas" for which I will be co-hosting

The topic: Widowhood and Dating
-how soon to start dating after death of partner
-common mistakes widows make
-dealing with new intense fear of abandonment
-reckless behaviors
-when your kids do not want you to date
-being vulnerable
-getting back to safe sex practices

Date: Wed Sept 1st
Time: 10 pm to 11 pm EST

Listen live on the Internet at http://www.cjad.com

CALL IN NUMBER is
Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - TOLL FREE

I am going to do a PRIZE GIVEAWAY.

I am giving away 2 copies of my book:

Eye of the Seductress

to two callers, that call in the show.

-Frank

Media appearance Kelly Alexander Show

2010-08-20T13:36:00.003-04:00

Hi All,

The sooner the sex, the better?

This is one of many questions Frank Kermit answers in an interview about First Dates.

The show is The Kelly Alexander Show

The website is www.kellyalexandershow.com

You can download it for free from

August 20-26.

Enjoy!

Does Marraige Change a Person?

2010-08-18T14:52:00.001-04:00

Dear Frank,

Can someone who was disloyal, and struggled with loyalty and commitment in a 5 year relationship, actually change after marriage? Can he change simply because he states that he values marriage more, than he does the pre-marriage commitment? Is that enough to change someone? Especially when he is showing his partner disrespect by denying his lack of loyalty prior to marriage, and believes that what happened before marriage doesn't really count once they are married?

-Engaged

Dear Engaged,

In my experience as a Relationship Coach, here is what I can tell you:

1-Marriage on its own is not enough to change a person. The repeating behavior patterns that were present before the wedding, will be there AFTER the wedding.

2-The biggest thing that does change for people who get married is their EXPECTATIONS of the OTHER person. It has little effect on their own, and the other person's, repeating behavior patterns.

-Frank

boyfriend will not move in...

2010-08-12T00:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Frank,
Hi, I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years and I really want to move in together. I have been living on my own for 7 years and he is still living with his mom at 27???!! I am 25. He says he is not ready and I am afraid he will never be ready!!
I really love him as he is my first proper boyfriend but I am afraid that that he will never commit.
-Ms Waiting

Dear Waiting,
He already told you that he is not ready. If he is not ready at 27 and four years with you, then nothing you say or do is going to make him ready.

The real issue that you need to confront is not where he is at in his life, but why would you want to commit to someone like him when he obviously is not fulfilling your emotional needs. Your relationship with him is a reflection of what is going on inside you.

Is there any possibility that you are secretly not ready for this type of commitment either, and that is why you still continue to be with him? Are you using him as an excuse for your own fear of intimacy? If not, prove it. End your relationship with him and find someone that is on your level and quit wasting time with a boy that refuses to be a man.

-Frank Kermit

Can men be emotionally faithful?

2010-08-09T11:39:00.000-04:00

Of course men have a capacity for emotional fidelity. It has to do with whether or not men have their emotional needs addressed. If a man’s emotional needs are addressed, he feels respected and that elicits a bonding trust within him towards the woman that best addresses his particular combination of emotional needs. His emotional needs would include protecting his reputation, giving him his quiet time, and supporting the lifestyle he works to achieve and others. Depending on what is most important to him as an individual, even the most notorious player can be emotionally faithful if his emotional needs are met. One of the differences between men and women is the emotional impact that the act of sex has on the genders. For women, the act of sex can potentially address most of her emotional needs. For men, the act of sex IS an emotional need, thus since it only addresses one emotional need, great sex alone will not make a man emotionally faithful.
-Frank Kermit, BA. MA., Relationship Coach
Author, The Eye of the Seductress: A workbook on the Emotional Needs of Men

two girls, friends, what to do?

2010-08-03T14:32:00.000-04:00

Dear Frank,

Say you're at the gym, so you met two girls (who happen to be very close friends). Talked to one first, made her laugh a bit then walked away and when ran into her again about 5 minutes after, she kept talking to me and introduced me to her friend (which happens to be very cute as well), so we talked for a bit and when I was going to go away I just asked them if they are on facebook, just saying lets be friends, so they both added me on facebook.

I wouldn't mind with going out and proceeding further with either of them, however I can only do that with one of them (for obvious reasons) I'm indifferent on which one, both of them are very close to each other and both of them are single, so if you ask one out she will for sure tell the other one

How would you proceed to get a day two? Message both? message one? I have some stuff in mind on how to proceed, but would love to know your opinion

-Caught in between

Dear Between,

Set up a social circle event and invite them both, as part of a larger group.

See through their actions which one wants you first. Go with that.

-Frank

Frank on CJAD on Aug 4th

2010-08-02T12:21:00.001-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I am going to be on

Dr. Laurie's Passion show on CJAD 800 AM radio Montreal.

The episode is a monthly feature entitled "Dating Dilemmas" for which I will be co-hosting

The topic: Building Social Circle Networks
-how to start building your own social circles
-how to lead social circles
-if you are interested in a person at a social circle event
-having a secret lover in a social circle network
-managing conflicts in social circles
-how to un-invite someone
-gifts to bring, and being appropriate
-being the life of the party vs being a clown entertainment monkey

Date: Wed Aug 4th
Time: 10 pm to 11 pm EST

Listen live on the Internet at http://www.cjad.com

CALL IN NUMBER is
Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - TOLL FREE

I am going to do a PRIZE GIVEAWAY.

I am giving away a copies of my books:

Everything out of her mouth is a test: read reviews here: viewforum.php?f=20
and
The Eye of the Seductress Workbook on Men's Emotional Needs: Read reviews here: viewforum.php?f=24

to two callers, that call in the show.

-Frank

Still loves ex...

2010-07-29T00:08:00.000-04:00

Dear Frank,

About a year in a half ago I started dating a co worker. It ended because he went back to his ex. I was heart broken but eventually moved on myself, with his roommate/best friend. I don't know exactly how it happneded. But now we are engaged and getting married in December. I still have doubts and I think I still have feelings for my ex. What should I do??

-Torn Between Two

Dear Torn,

Show your fiance this email, and if he does not break up with you, then you must end the engagement.

-Frank

Frank on Radio TODAY Sun July 25th!

2010-07-25T14:44:00.002-04:00

I am going to be on The Art of Love Radio Show

This will be my 2nd appearance on the show. Apparently I am one of only 2 people to ever be on this show twice.

The Show will air 3pm PT/6pm EST on Sunday July 25th, 2010.

The Art of Love show will be heard live at

http://www.latalkradio.com

Sunday July 25, 2010

at 3pm PT/6pm ET. You can hear the show by clicking on:"Click to Listen Live"

Topic: The Emotional Needs of Women, and book The Emotional Needs Analysis Workbook vol 1.

The show is hosted by Lucia.
Lucia is a dating/relationship expert specializing in Cougar relationships. She hosts “The Art of Love” on L.A. Talk Radio, is the author of “Lucia's Lessons of Love”, a keynote speaker and syndicated columnist. She hosted “The Art of Love” TV show for 3 years in Los Angeles.
She has been on over 100 national and international radio and TV Shows as an expert, including , “The CBS Early Show”, “60 Minutes Australia”, “The Tyra Banks Show”, "E! Entertainment", "The KTLA Morning Show", "Fox 5 News", “Playboy Radio" and “Cosmo Radio”. and most famously for “Dr. Phil”
She is the Cougar Expert on Videojug.com and was Miss UrbanCougar December 2005. She taught the worlds’ first Cougar class for The Learning Annex in 2007 titled, "How To Date Younger Men/How To Date Older Women".

-Frank

Does Love at First Sight Exist?

2010-07-24T00:58:00.000-04:00

Does Love at First Sight Exist?
by Frank Kermit

People seem to think so.

I am not so convinced.

I beleive people feel SOMETHING they call love at first site, and that SOMETHING can have love grow from it...but I highly doubt in love at first site.

LUST at first site however, I do beleive in. And I think THAT is what people are actually experiencing.

Here is why....

At first sight, there is nothing about the other person that you could know that would address emotional needs other than those that are based on visual intake.

for women, this falls under Emotional Need # 9, High Quality Sperm
for men, this falls under Emotional Need # 10, Femininity

This is strictly LUST, what a person finds visually appealing, and desirous of.

But what makes it seem like LOVE?

I have been thinking about this for quite some time.

I think the idea of Love at first sight, instead of Lust at first sight, is a Romantic Notion.

One of the key factors of Romance is Escapism (part of my Frank Romance Formula, program to come one day)

Escapism in this context refers to seeking something not of reality, but in fantasy.

So what fantasy/escapism is going on, and what emotional needs does that entail in men and women?

Here is my theory:

In men, the other emotional need that is at play in Love At First Sight is Emotional Need # 8: Sex
In Love at First Sight, he has only her appearance to go on, that is his EN # 10, femininity
So for it to be more than just a physical attraction, he needs to input more of his own wanting and project them on to her.
At this point, he confuses his desire to get the sex he wants, and projects them on to her as the woman that can give him the sex that he responds to, based on his interpretation of what she looks like.

In women, the other emotion need that is at play in Love at First Sight is Emotional Need # 2: Emotional Range-Drama
In love at First Sight, she has only his appearance to go on, that is her EN # 9, High Quality Sperm
So for it to be more than just a physical attraction, she needs to input more of his own wanting and project them on to him.
At this point, she confuses her desire to get the emotional range she wants, and projects them on to him as the man that can give her the drama that he responds, based on her interpretation of what he looks like.

For an honorable mention, for women, emotional need # 3, Cater tot he Little Girl in Her could also be addressed by the Romantic Notion of Love at First Sight. It is closely linked to Emotional Need # 2. However, this may have more to do with how women are raised, especially in countries where little girls are raised on Happy Ever After fairy tales.

However, in cases where intense child fueling fantasies do not exist, there can still be a belief in Love at First Sight, and in those cases, Women's emotional Need # 3 would less influential than Emotional Need # 2.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Lust to Love

Can this happen? Of course. In this context, think of lust as the initial interaction. The push that brings two people together.

Once together, it may turn out that beyond the physical attraction that brought them together, that the couple may in fact have the capacity to address each others primary emotional needs, and as a result love can develop between a couple that started with feelings of lust.

If the couple does not have the capacity to address each others primary emotional needs, an emotional healthy couple will end the relationship

An emotionally unhealthy couple would likely desperately try to continue the relationship, insisting that their fantasy interpretations that they super-imposed on each other were accurate, and resist the reality that they are with the wrong person.

Part of reaching a level of mastery in your own development is to know and feel the difference between Love and Lust.

-Frank

Frank Interviews Lucia, the Cougar Expert

2010-07-19T23:40:00.001-04:00

This is for those guys who are into Cougars (older women that date younger men)

To listen to this interview, go to

www.franktalks.com/radio

It is Episode # 1010

Lucia is a Dating and Relationship Expert whose intent is to entertain, educate and enlighten. Known throughout major media as a "Cougar Expert", Lucia defends and coaches older women who are dating and in relationships with younger men. In addition to her Cougar expertise she also produces an internet podcast radio show, writes a weekly column, has authored a book and has appeared regularly on multiple talk shows including The Tyra Banks Show and The Dr. Phil Show.

a review of I'm a Man, That's My Job

2010-07-17T23:25:00.001-04:00

This has to be the best inner game book out there. For a long time, I was stuck in the community idea of "it's all inner game" and I sought out many different products to find MY way. None of them were particularly effective. "I'm A Man, That's My Job" is VERY effective because it uses writing exercises that really make you think about who you are and what you want for your own life. Many of the writing exercises are not comfortable either... Part of learning and growing is going through pain. That is what makes this inner game book rise above the rest. It is also presented in Frank's very "frank" writing style. Direct, to the point, without jargon or superfluous material. You get the book, and it is 270+ pages. Lots of material in the community is this length, but it is filled with material that has little value. I believe every page of what Frank writes is there for a reason.

Here is what I learned in "I'm a Man, That's My Job":
-Life must be cherished, taken advantage of, and milked for all its worth (in a positive way) because death is inevitable, and in reality could happen at any second. High value men know what it means to be living.
-High value men know who they are, have their own ideas of how the world works, have their own ideas of how relationships work, and know exactly what they want from the women they interact with.
-The transition from "Loser to Seducer" or "low value to high value" or "boy to man" is one that will significantly change your life, the way you look at the world, the friends you have, and the relationships you experience. Many of the things that you found enjoyment in as a low value male lose their appeal. This is not a bad thing. If you want something (to be respected and valued as a person) you have to accept the changes that come with that.

Only read this book if you're ready to make the jump.

BJones

The community matrix of valuing "hot" chicks

2010-07-14T08:21:00.000-04:00

One of the things that most community guys can not grasp is that their attraction mechanism is broken.

This is about what the guys are attracted to, and not about how the guys can or can not attract women.

What most guys find attractive is what they are TOLD to find attractive. Familiarity breads control.

Women who today are considered "ugly" were at one point in history considered highly desirable ("hot" by todays standards).

Rubinesque women (large and fat) were at one time considered what "every man wants" for the time period (Renaissance).

"Twingy" women (thin and petite) were at one time considered what "every man wants" for that time period.

At some point in the last 15 years, a cosmetic company was portraying women that looked like heroin addicts as what "every man wants" for that time period

Now an entire generation of young men raised with full internet porn access have been programmed to find surgically enhanced porn stars what "every man wants" for that time period.

Meanwhile, the girls that the same guy could actually get (girl down the street that is nice, but not a hottie) who is more than willing to fuck for fun, is unable to entice the guy because he can not get an erection...and he blames it on the girl not being hot enough...

when the real issue is HE is the one that is fucked up.

I talk about this in my Adult Male Virgin program. This youtube video is one of my most popular and it talks about exactly this issue:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiK73O63LGA

Every time period has its own reasons to program men as to what to be attracted to...it is a means of CONTROLLING THEM.

The community talks so much about "seeing beyond the matrix" and the community guys do not get that being told that the "hot" women being the best, not taking into consideration the healing power of sex, nor the importance of how a woman treats a man, is....JUST AS MUCH A PART OF THE MATRIX THAT THESE GUYS ARE TRYING TO BREAK AWAY FROM.

If a man takes away all his programming about what he is to find attractive, he will be like an animal...willing to fuck provided it is female he is fucking.

In animal groups where one male will breed with all the females, that male does not pick and chose the females he thinks are "hot". He fucks them all. THAT is being beyond the matrix.

-Frank

How to spot and de-bullshitize manipulative women

2010-07-11T00:10:00.001-04:00

Based on a comment of my advice to another person. The comment was:

Damn! This is where Frank excels. Frank can spot and de-bullshitize manipulative women like no other expert I've seen.

This is not a gift from God. It is a skill that can be developed by any man who wants to learn it.

It comes down to two basic principles that I teach in my book, "I'm A Man, That's My Job"

Those principles are

1-It is better to be respected than it is to be liked (Frank Rule of Relationships # 6)

2-The MOST important thing is how a woman treats you (Frank Rule of Relationships # 5)

A man must learn to seek respect more than being liked in life. It removes his approval seeking behaviors that cause him to fear abandonment and act needy. Little known secret...women will glad have sex with a man they do not like, but feel respect for (the boyfriend she hates but keeps going back too). A woman will not have sex with a man that she likes but does not respect as a man (the male best friend).

The two most dangerous emotional needs of men, that men can be manipulated through are #8 his need for sex and #10 his need for femininity. These emotional needs, when not kept in check will make even the most dominant male turn into a submissive around the woman that fuels those needs. This is why how a woman treats a man MUST be the most important detail that he must judge her for his commitment. A man who is blinded by the way a woman looks or how good she fucks, will ALWAYS be taken advantage of by these kinds of women, and allow himself to be emotionally manipulated by damaged women.

I have a lot more to say on those rules of relationships, but this above covers enough to get the point across about what it takes to be able to spot and de-bullshitize manipulative women.

For those of you interested, read the book and write a study review of the rules of relationships.

-Frank

Interview Goals & You being your only competition

2010-07-10T08:33:00.001-04:00

I did an interview with Peter Anthony Holder.

He broke into the Canadian Broadcast industry decades ago when there were no African-Canadians in that industry.

It is a great interview on the topic of perseverance, goal setting, staying motivated and how you are you're only real competition.

To listen to this interview got to:

www.franktalks.com/radio

See Episode # 1009

Peter Anthony Holder is a professional broadcaster. He has decades of experience in the media industry, and shares his stories about how he got started, what it takes to be a broadcaster, who he worked with, who he learned from and studied under and very special inside information that only a man with broadcast experience would know.

-Frank

Virginity Stats - for those interested...

2010-07-08T17:48:00.001-04:00

Virgin STATS
• Approximately 96% of ALL adults between 20-59 have had sex
• Approximately 91% of ALL adults between 20-29 have had sex
• 16% of adults first had sex before the age of 15
• 15% of adults abstained from sex until 21 or older

Age
• 20-29 years 91% have had sex
• 30-39 years 97% have had sex
• 40-49 years 98% have had sex
• 50-59 years 98% have had sex

Gender
• Males were more likely than females to have had sex before the age of 15
• 29% of men reported having 15 or more female sexual partners in a lifetime
• 9% of women reported having 15 or more male sexual partners in a lifetime
• The median number of lifetime female partners for men is 7
• The median number of lifetime male partners for women is 4

So what does that mean for all the adult male virgins out there?

It means to check out this program

Frank on CJAD 800 TONIGHT!

2010-07-07T19:05:00.002-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I am going to be on

Dr. Laurie's Passion show on CJAD 800 AM radio Montreal.

The episode is a monthly feature entitled "Dating Dilemmas" for which I will be co-hosting

The topic: AGE AND INEXPERIENCE: DATING ADULT MALE AND FEMALE VIRGINS
What do you do if you are OLDER, have zero sex and relationship experience, and still want to date
So if you are a virgin, or you are dating a virgin
then this is going to be a great show to listen to.

Date: Wed July 7th
Time: 10 pm to 11 pm EST

Listen live on the Internet at http://www.cjad.com

CALL IN NUMBER is
Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - TOLL FREE

I am going to do a PRIZE GIVEAWAY.

I am giving away a copies of my products

Art of Calibration Data CD
and maybe
The Adult Male Virgin Data CD

to two callers, that call in the show.

-Frank

Frank EH! Theory

2010-07-05T19:33:00.000-04:00

The core element of Frank Inner Game is the

Frank EH! Theory

EH! stands for Eliminate Hypocrisies!

Whenever I spot an inner game issue, it is not just limiting beleifs I encounter.

It is a person's own hypocrisy that is hurting them.

They claim to want one thing, but behave in an opposite manner.

They say they value certain types of behaviors of women, and then punish and insult women who behave in that manner.

They treat people in a certain way, and then get furious when people treat them in the same manner.

At the heart of every inner game issue are conflicting issues that all stem from a person's own hypocrisies.

Part of the point of doing all the writing exercises in the book I'm A Man, That's My Job is to bring out a person's hypocrisies on paper so he can resolve them.

Until you can eliminate your hypocrisies, then your own hypocrisies will always undermine your every effort.

-Frank

July 1st Canada Day Sale on lulu.com to July 4

2010-07-01T19:36:00.002-04:00

Use coupon code GREATWHITENORTH305 at checkout and receive 15% off. Maximum savings with this promotion is $20. You can only use the code once per account, and you can't use this coupon in combination with other coupon codes. This great offer ends on July 4th, 2010 at 11:59 PM so try not to procrastinate! While very unlikely we do reserve the right to change or revoke this offer at anytime, and of course we cannot offer this coupon where it is against the law to do so.

Judging Male Friend through the Mens Emotional Needs

2010-07-01T00:03:00.000-04:00

Judging Male Friend through the Mens Emotional Needs
by Frank Student Redshirt

The idea of whether or not to keep certain male friends, and deciding if they are worth it during your development is an interesting idea, and it's made me think about my own friends, why I got rid of some and why I kept others.

You know what, it's quite possible to evaluate friends from a Men's Emotional Need point of view (minus the sex), in the sense that if they are your friend, then they must be your ally, and an ally addresses a man's emotional needs.

EN1 - Protect his reputation and keep him attractive to other women - I would say unequivocally that your friends should speak well of you, in some cases, I have friends that "big me up" in front of girls, which is even better. And I do the same for my male friends. A true friend would definitely never disrespect you in public.

EN2 - Quiet time - sometimes a friend knows when you just want to chill out instead of going out to do something crazy, and true friends definitely won't try to bring their own drama into your life.

EN3 - Mind the store - sometimes you need help, whether it's a drive somewhere or a wing man, a friend will be there for you (within reason of course).

EN4 - Compliance - if you suggest events to go to or things to do and your "friend" is always shooting them down and being difficult, the friendship is probably not going to work out.

EN5 - Nurture his investments, environment and lifestyle - well I don't know if a friend needs to actively nurture these things but definitely not mess things up. So when I go to a friend's house, I am respectful of his house and possessions.

EN6 - Be the secret keeper - this one goes without saying.

EN7 - Put US first - if other people are on your case and your friend believes in you, then an ally would give you the benefit of the doubt and even defend you.

EN8 - Sex - ok, I don't think a friend needs to provide you with sex, but at the very least a friend needs to make sure they don't get in the way of you having sex, and a really great friend will help you get sex.

EN9 - Penis identity - I think this is more your friend respecting you as a man.

EN10 - Not so much femininity, but just simple appreciation for you and the value you bring to the friendship.

So as far as whether or not to dump a friend, I would consider going down the above list and if there are things that are not being addressed or violated, then talk to the friend about those points, tell them that you consider them a friend but you really need to have x, y and z and if they can't or won't, then you know you've given them the chance and you can let them go in good conscience.

The Willingness to Have Sex:

2010-06-29T23:57:00.000-04:00

The Willingness to Have Sex:
by Frank Student Sly

One of the important things a seducer-in-training will run into in his development life-time is the concept of willingness to have sex. This term refers to the actual seeking of sex, in comparison to the wanting of sex.Up until I started reading frank's Inner game book (I'm A Man, That's My Job), I didn't seriously want to have sex. I liked the idea, but I recognized the term "willingness to have sex". I read it over and over, and IT DID NOT make sense to me. I thought it was a passing term, but it is not. It is a way of being.

Before that way, I was "in like of sex" but not willing. Then I learned what it means to be willing, it means to put yourself in those situations, it means loving yourself enough to commit to the right actions, to happiness. It means stop self-sabotaging, it means get a real strong desire for sex. Crave it, realize it's inside you, the passion. You as a man should be filled with it in your life, unless you choose not to, but at that point you have the choice, rather than the lack of it.

One of the pitfalls of many in their development is not recognizing that they must take responsibility for themselves, to force themselves to have sex.

This hit me one night when I realized that every day that I went out, I didn't go out seeking sex, I went out seeking a good time, or a way to reassure myself that I was getting results because I got girls attracted but not have actual sex with me.

One of the indicators of this pitfall is an inability to get past a certain stage with women. If you love starting conversations, never trying to get a contact for them to meet up with you later. If you get the contact, keeping yourself stuck on phone conversations. If you get them on dates, not willing to escalate, hoping she'll fall into your lap. I first recognized that I "gained" this willingness for sex, when coming home late one night asking myself the very important question, "Why not now, why not get laid right this very night. Why have I been selling myself short all this time? Let's do it." It was a question that I couldn't answer, so I knew that there was no reason why, only excuses. From that point, I realized it's not about the situation you're in, it's how much you want it. Once I said I wanted it that night, with no people around, I was willing to keep myself near places where people were, make myself talk to them, and lead it to my house that same night if I could. After that day, it's been ON.

Sly

The PUA, The Seducer, and the Married Man

2010-06-28T22:11:00.001-04:00

The PUA, The Seducer, and the Married Man
by Frank B Kermit

Now, then let me tell you a little story…

The Pick Up Artist That Wanted To Get Married
A man is known as the local “player” in his area, always dating many different women at the same time. The women all know about each other, and see him as a temporary adventure. One day, the man decides that one of the women he is dating is the “one” he wants more than any other woman, and wants to marry her. He proposes, but the woman laughs him off. She tells him he is sweet, but she will not marry him, as she does not believe a player like him would ever seriously settle down with just one woman. The man is now determined to prove himself to her. One night, in frustration, he brings another beautiful intelligent girl he is also seeing to meet the woman he loves. The man then dumps the beautiful intelligent girl right in front of the woman as proof of his devotion to the woman. The woman responds irate and upset with him, as the girl runs off in tears. The woman says, "That's your proof of your devotion to me? So if you can do that to her, when are you going to do that to me?" She then leaves him right there, and goes to console the girl. The pick up artist is perplexed, as he was sure the woman should have been more attracted to him, and would understand his intention.

-------------------------------------

Has this happened to you? If you have been very successful in being with women, picking up, and bedding women then you know how all too common this situation happens. Whether a man develops his skills naturally through experience (a lived natural), or successfully develops into a pick up artist through a combination of intense self improvement study (a learned natural) the problems of a high vale male always manage to find a way to creep into his life. If he is a lived natural, in time, he will learn to calibrate for this situation. But what if he is not a lived natural? What if he was a learned natural with women? What more MUST he learn so that instead of settling for the women he can get that want him, he can actually manage to get the one girl that he wants?

He learns Frank B Kermit’s
Emotional Needs Theories and Analysis Method.

One of the biggest challenges that successful pick up artists face is that they are unable to maintain long lasting relationships with the women they pick up and have sex with. It is not because he cannot attract her. He got her already. It is not because he cannot re-attract her, because by the time he is an accomplished pick up artist, he knows his skills, and knows that he can re-attract. He has done it before. He will do it again. Yet, for some reason, it is not enough to make long term relationships work. This elusive paradox has crushed many a ladies man. Most men who immerse themselves in the art of seduction want to play the field sowing their wild oats and at the end of their wild spree want to settle down with a great woman in the best relationship that they can build and maintain. For some reason though, this is not happening leaving an otherwise “successful” ladies man to be isolated from the women that they would actually commit too, bringing these ladies men into the same pit of despair of the nice guys who are unable to get a date in the first place.

So why is this happening? It’s because:

Pick Up Artists do not address the right combination of emotional needs of high quality women that make women feel the desire to commit long term.

I have always branded myself a “seducer”, and not a “pick up artist” throughout my own development. The reason I did this was because I knew even back then that I eventually wanted to get married (albeit a non-traditional monogamous marriage) where she and I are committed to each other and still allowing some adventurous experiences. I saw being a pick up artist as a short sighted lifestyle that only a rare few men are capable of actually sustaining happily for the course of their lives. From day one, I wanted relationships more than I wanted one night stands. I felt that if I was going to put in the work to pick up a woman, I wanted my time with her to last as long as possible so that I would need to only pick up a relatable number of them and retain them, than to have them leave after sex, and have to increase my efforts in recruiting more. This is not necessarily a better way of enacting the art of seduction; it was just my way. Today I am happily married, leading and maintaining the best relationship structure for me that I sought out over the last 10 years, and the primary focus of my work is in the area of Relationship Management through seduction principles.

There are 10 Emotional Needs that all women have the capacity to embody. Depending on which ones you address, in what combination you address them, AND what are her particular most important emotional needs during the time of your interaction will PREDICT everything from if and when she will have sex with you, to her desire to have children with you, and committing to you forever. To learn about my emotional needs theories, their application, 10 ways to address them and the rest of my seduction philosophy check out my book Everything Out Of Her Mouth Is A Test: A Man’s Guide to the Emotional Needs of Women. A man that can address all of her emotional needs has the best results in terms of maintaining ongoing relationship management. A man that addresses only a percentage of those emotional needs will not be as successful. It is based on this premise that a pick up artist who is successful in picking up and having sex with women will still fail at long term relationship management. It is one of my goals in life to teach men my principles of using seduction in relationship management.

I want to cover some ground about the difference between:

1-The Pick Up Artist
2-The Seducer
3-The Married Man

… And their ability to implement principles of seduction into their respective relationship structures, specifically when it concerns the most varying emotional need that separates them the MOST:

That is the emotional need #5 of women: The Fear of Abandonment.

1-The Pick Up Artist: constantly uses the Fear of Abandonment as an attraction aid. It is through the practice of the attitude “Get me while you can, otherwise you lose out forever”. This use of the fear of abandonment is great for demonstrating the belief that the man feels he is the prize. It provides women with emotional range, and displays a sense of dominance. This is attractive to women, as they project that other women will find his approach just as attractive representing in her interpretations that he has high quality sperm and is richly sought after by other women. This frames the man as an adventure not to be missed, but also as a temporary distraction from the stress of life. By using the threat of abandoning her from the commencement of the interaction, she makes it a point not to further her interests in him too much. (Assuming she is a high quality woman that can categorizes men in ways that will not allow her to be duped into succumbing to emotional attachments to certain categories of men. If she is not a high quality woman or damaged in some way that forbids her from addressing the emotional needs of men, she will further pursue the pick up artist almost to obsessive and self destructive means). The pick up artist threatens to leave to generate high attraction, but gets classified as the fun-boy-toy because he immediately violates Fear of Abandonment. This means no matter what he does after the initial sex, she will interpret all of his actions through this filter.

2-The Seducer: constantly uses the Fear of Abandonment as a means towards behavioral correction. The Seducer forms relationships with multiple women at the same time, giving each woman the hope that at some point he will eventually choose her over other women. Counter-intuitively this is actually reassuring to women, as they feel a sense of control (but not the pressure of responsibility) in keeping his attentions on her, through co-operative behaviors. The Seducer makes each woman feel UNIQUE to him in a way where she is not overly threatened that another woman will take her place in a way that will make her obsolete in his life, so although she may not like that he sees other women, she responds to him because of the way this emotional need is addressed. (The same assumption about high quality women vs. damaged women applies again.) The Seducer utilizes Fear of Abandonment, such that as long as she behaves in a manner that he has previously communicated to her, he will not abandon her regardless of the fact that he is with other women. The emotional range for her comes from the fact she feels a sense of competition with the other women, and the thrill of the fantasy of being his “chosen one”. To be the chosen one to a man that is chosen by other women addresses emotional needs that on the surface would seem to be violated. Because the Seducer has established the desire for some form of ongoing commitment, and very likely has communicated his long term desire to “eventually” settle down, anything he does, will be filtered in her mind, through this frame that he is capable of such a commitment IF she behaves within his set (dominant) parameters.

3-The Married Man (the ultimate long term relationship): CANNOT constantly use the Fear of Abandonment. This is his dilemma. He has made the commitment “For better or for worse”. He has made financial investments, emotional investments and even familial investments through their children together. A man that is married, but constantly threatening to leave, or actually leaving for short term to longer term absences is not leading his marriage and family relations well. In fact, this behavior is disruptive and dysfunctional, and the children (if any) are the victims in this. A married man must still address her emotional needs, but calibrated in such a way that the threat of abandonment is not a major component in his arsenal of tactics for relationship management. Simply put, it does not work for long-term success in this kind of relationship structure.

---------------------------

When the pick up artist desires to get into a long-term relationship, he will mistakenly use his original Fear of Abandonment tactics that attracted her to begin with, because he assumes that the same seduction tactic will work even in the context of a different relationship structure. That is why seducers have an easier time in long-term relationships than pick up artists. This is also why men that identify themselves with being pick up artists and seducers earn the scorn of many, and are not believed when they finally do communicate to the women they fully desire, their willingness to commit.

--------------------------

So, when can a married man utilize the fear of abandonment?

He may use it ONLY when he is serious, and about to leave the marriage. He MUST keep this in check. Although the threat to leave her is a strong instinct, especially if he was an accomplished pick up artist or seducer, the danger is that he will threaten to leave her too often as a remedy to short term conflicts that are actually not that important in the bigger scheme of life. This will produce two effects. She will stop seeing what he says as having merit, and it loses its power over her (loses emotional need # 4: Dominance). The second effect is that she will interpret his behaviors as him stating he will eventually leave her, and thus she will either leave him first or sabotage the relationship for it to end sooner.

However, if he uses it ONLY when he seriously means it, and especially has communicated his boundaries to her about his criteria for abandoning her, then when he does communicate it, she will take it very seriously, and correct her behavior accordingly. For more about being a man, and setting your criteria and boundaries, please refer to my book: I’m A Man, That’s My Job: The Philosophy of a Seducer: The Inner Game Workbook.

--------------------------------

A married man must be able to address a woman’s emotional needs just as importantly as a pick up artist and a seducer must. However, there are a variety of ways to address a woman’s emotional needs and the skill to calibrate to the woman, the context, and the relationship structure. And all of those methods are in fact teachable.

You are now about to learn if you are willing to dedicate yourself to the study of my body of work.

-Frank B Kermit
www.franktalks.com

A Frank Pledge to Frank Talks Students

2010-06-25T22:10:00.001-04:00

David Mace was a strong champion of preventive education programs for couples and families for many years until his death in 1990. He often told the story of a little town planted deep in a valley at the end of a twisty and treacherous mountain road. The road was dark and narrow, with no caution signs or reflectors to mark the most dangerous curves. Over the years, many cares plunged over the cliff. Scores of people were seriously injured or killed. Finally the town council decided to do something about the problem.

After several weeks of study, the council issued a report. An ambulance would be purchased to park at the bottom of the cliff. Then when a crash occurred, survivors could be rushed to the hospital, and hopefully a few lives would be saved.

The illogical reasoning is obvious:Why wait to do something until AFTER an accident occurs?

Why not invest in caution signs and reflectors?

Then many accidents would be prevented and it would cost so much less, in terms of money and human misery!

(excerpt of Family Life Education: An Introduction by Professors Powell and Cassidy, page 22)

That is why part of the new direction Frank Talks is going to take in the future is to help people so that they never get divorced, screw up their kids, or burn up their futures.

To all of you my students that have taken me on as a mentor, my pledge to you is that I will work with you to help you build a foundation to better structure futures for each of you, so that you will behave, think, and prevent ending up is such situations that would harm you and your future families.

Putting a woman on a pedestal. by Frank Student Gallo

2010-06-24T00:02:00.000-04:00

Putting a woman on a pedestal.
by Frank Student Gallo

Sometimes, before starting my development, I used to put a woman on a pedestal...trying to win her graces AND approval. Now I realize this is a big mistake, because that opens the door for the woman in question to start to step on me. Seeking approval kills self confidence. Besides, it puts a lot of pressure on her, because she now has to ACT perfect, to match that image...the pedestal image. More sooner than later she will resent it, because she´s just a human being. And her freedom to be human is compromised by this mindset...I guess that at some point she will find someone else to be free with...

Seeking approval violates ALMOST ALL of her emotional needs...oops...careful here Gallo.

EN1. Violated. Her reputation suffers because she´s seen with a low value male.
EN2. Violated. Seeking approval is about being nastily nice...no range of emotions here.
EN3. Violated. The approval seeking male is putting her in a situation where she has to be the adult, because she has to act perfect and him like the boy that hasn´t grown up.
EN4. Violated. She is expected to be perfect, and the follower/worshiper goes behind her.
EN5. Addressed. The guy is likely to stick around...
EN6. Violated. The guy is seen as having a hidden agenda, not wanting to piss her off. Maybe this is the strongest violation of all.
EN7. Violated. Seeking approval males come off as weak. And a potential stalker.
EN8. Violated. The guy puts her on the "perfect" girl/woman. This way, she can´t feel free to be a natural woman that needs to explore her sexuality.
EN9. Violated. Lack of confidence...low quality sperm.
EN10. Violated. Not man enough...

At my present level, I have to be careful. I called a girl princess, in order to address EN3, and now I realize that by doing that, somehow I am putting her on a pedestal. The thing is, I have to drop it...maybe once in a while it´s ok to address her in such a manner, NOT always...

Oh my. Many layers unfolding here for me...

It´s about to make her feel unique and special by addressing her emotional needs.

- Gallo.

Learn To See Through The Eye Of The Seducer!

2010-06-22T19:25:00.000-04:00

Learn To See Through The Eye Of The Seducer!

By: Frank B. Kermit

The Eye of Seducer is a term I devised to describe the mindset of men that are very skilled with women. It is the way to look at the world. It means looking at WHY certain people do, and do not get sex. When going to a wedding, The Eye of Seducer is not seeing what is taking place as part of a love story, but as part of a seduction. When seeing young couples on the street, when seeing married couples celebrating a 20 year anniversary, or when watching people break up and divorce… The Eye of Seducer is interested in understanding the analysis of the emotional needs in the relationship.

Through the Eye Of The Seducer, a man can analyze the emotional needs of women and know…

Who actually has game, and who does not.

When something would actually work with women, and when it would not.

WHY something would actually work with women, and why it would not.

Where a seduction exercise needs calibration, and where it would not.

How to get the same woman who normally waits three months to have sex with her boyfriend, to have sex with you within the first three dates.

Does not listen to what a woman says, it listens to what she does.

Knows the difference between when something would only work on television and in the movies, and if that same situation could even be possible in real life.

Everything I teach though Everything Out of Her Mouth is A Test, and The Emotional Needs Analysis Workbooks is all about giving men the power of

The Eye of the Seducer.

-Frank B Kermit, Relationship Guy
Now, then let me tell you a little story…

Men's Emotional Needs Vs. Women's Physical Beauty

2010-06-21T19:18:00.000-04:00

Men's Emotional Needs Vs. Women's Physical Beauty
by Frank Student DragonKid

A while ago, I Chaired a meeting on the Men's Emotional Needs. Almost everyone there said they didn't think they could use the info yet. They found it fascinating, but just didn't feel ready to start thinking about their own emotional needs. They were still focused on the how-do-I-get-the-girl part of seduction.

Those very same guys were unsure of what they were looking for in a woman. They knew they wanted one but didn't know specific details of what she should be.

I was amazed that they couldn't see the connection. Clearly, if you're not aware of your own emotional needs you can't possibly know what you want in a woman.

The fallback position for the problem of not knowing what you want usually leads a guy to go after a girl based on her looks. I know what you're thinking. If she's hot, you want her. You can see her right there and she's driving you wild. Obviously she's what you want. What's wrong with that? Let's take a closer look.

If femininity/looks are important to you, that's OK. But that element must be balanced with your other emotional needs.

If the only emotional need she can address is femininity/looks, you're headed for trouble.

If you're not sure what you're looking for that's a dangerous place to come from.

If you were hungry, surely you wouldn't walk into a darkened room, crawl around on the floor, then take the first thing you pick up with your hands and put it in your mouth.

Time for some inner game work, amigo.

I suggest you check out the Men's Emotional Needs. Go through the list and come up with a few specific examples of how a woman could prove herself capable of addressing each emotional need for you. Remember, how you define your Emotional Needs is as unique to you as her emotional needs are to her.

Once you've done that, go back to your criteria lists. Use what you've done in the above exercise to help update it.

Take your time on these. It's not a race. The results will be a reflection of your effort. I'm not saying you need to lock yourself away on a mountain top for six months of contemplation. Spending a few hours on a couple of weekend afternoons would go a long way.

Both of these things will help you get a better idea of who you are as a man right now. They are about knowing yourself. When you know yourself, you'll have a much better idea of what you're looking for.

One last point about going after a girl based on her looks. In all fairness, it's pretty much the first thing I notice about a girl. It doesn't make sense to pretend I'm not affected by beauty. Of course I am. But once she's addressed that Emotional Need for me, I start testing her ability to address my other emotional needs. The more tests she passes, the more attention and commitment I'll give her. I take my time about it - and by that I mean I test over a period of months, not days. On the flip side, the more she violates my Emotional Needs, the less attention and commitment I'll give. Many is the number of hot girls who have only gotten a one night stand from me.

-DragonKid

Seduction Lairs are a pain to admin...never again

2010-06-18T22:02:00.000-04:00

This is my review of Frank's "How to Run a Seduction Lair".

I live in a semi rural area, at least compared to cities like Toronto, Chicago, LA, Las Vegas, etc... The town I live in, has maybe 50,000 people or so. There's no seduction community here. None, at least that I could find online. Occasionally, I would find a year-plus old post by a one or two-time poster on some pickup message board from someone who lived near by. So I contemplated starting a seduction lair. I had a grand ideas, so you can imagine my excitement when I heard that there was a lecture available online on how to run a lair. It was Frank's, of course, and I listened to the whole lecture. And after it was done, I realized, I have no business running a seduction lair.

The first thing that Frank makes clear, is that running a lair is a lot of hard work. And by that I really mean A LOT of hard work. Being the chair/president/leader of a seduction lair means that you have to manage people, and if you're just starting out in the seduction community, you do not have the required skills. End of story.

These are just a few of the issues that Frank says you need to know how to handle effectively:
1) What are you going to do when gurus with products to sell want to cut you in on their action in order to influence your lair's members into buying the products?
2) What are you going to do when members get in trouble with the law?
3) How are you going to handle the media?
4) What are you going to do when a gay person is found to be a member, or wants to become a member?
5) What about guys who are bisexual?
6) How are you going to keep con-men from preying on your members?
7) How are you going to treat minors who want to be members?
8) How are you going to handle members who give out poor advice?
9) Will there be dues? Who will handle the money?

These are just a few of the many issues that arise. Do you have the answers to these issues? If you're new to the scene, then no you don't. There are just far too many issues involved in running a lair for any beginner to think that he actually has the skills to do so effectively. Even if you do think that you have the answers, after listening to Frank's lecture you will you realize that you don't.

That is the valuable insight that you gain from Frank's lecture, he is able to convey in clear terms just hard the job is. This is good advice for educated, skilled, and experienced seduction artists who are thinking about taking on the role as the leader of a lair. And it is a good education for beginners as to why they are not qualified to do so.

Either way, it is a very informative lecture. It will inform you as to what will be expected of you, and what you can expect from, a lair if you're a new member. A lair is not a social club, it is not a health club, and it is not place where you learn to become rich. It is a place where broken men come to learn how to take control of their love life.

Listen to the lecture yourself. It's good advice that everyone can learn from. And from what I've seen, it's information that's difficult to find elsewhere.

-a review by Pogz

The consequences of keeping his mouth shut

2010-06-17T14:08:00.003-04:00

Dar Frank,
My question is more directed at the guy who keeps to himself, and just let's the woman continue to violate his emotional needs without saying anything and just instead "putting up" with it. What are some of the long term consequences of not telling a woman she is violating your needs?
-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
First, ANY man that was raised to enforce his boundaries and/or has reached a point where he is fed up of being a doormat will do the same thing.

The consequences for the guy that does not bring to his partner's attention that she is violating his emotional needs could be the following:
1-she could actually be the kind of person to respect his boundaries, but doesn't know she is hurting him, and thus he is missing out on a great relationship
2-he continues being hurt, and his anger festers and comes out in other ways (bad health, or starts to act unloving to her or passive aggressive)
3-she dumps him for the way he passively aggressively gets back at her
4-she eventually learns the truth, and either hates him for lying and/or her own shame and guilt will make her end the relationship
5-kids in the relationship get screwed up, need therapy, but do not know why
6-he gets into a strong repeating behavior pattern that becomes harder to break for future relationships...
7-she ends up hating all men because he did not manage his relationship right
....more

To summarize:
the relationship he will have will be unhealthy and likely end
the relationships he will have in the future will be unhealthy and likely end
he will screw up the women he dates
he will screw up any kids that he has

-Frank

Frank is on Dr Laurie Betito tonight!!

2010-06-16T15:05:00.002-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I am going to be on

Dr. Laurie's Passion show on CJAD 800 AM radio Montreal.

The episode is a monthly feature entitled "Dating Dilemmas" for which I will be co-hosting

The topic: Dating and Disabilities
If you are too fat, too short, in a wheel chair, blind, hearing impaired, etc....
then this is going to be a great show to listen to.

Date: Wed June 16th
Time: 10 pm to 11 pm EST

Listen live on the Internet at www.cjad.com

CALL IN NUMBER is
Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - TOLL FREE

I am going to do a PRIZE GIVEAWAY.

I am giving away a copy of the books

I'm A Man, That's My Job: The philosophy of a seducer
and
The Eye of the Seductress: A Workbook on the Emotional Needs of Men Vol 1

to two callers, that call in the show.

Points to be covered are:
Can a disabled person attract, find love and get sex?
What is the biggest mistake disabled people make?
What can disabled people do to make themselves more date-able?
Is it easier for disabled men or disabled women, and why?
and more....

-Frank

Should you call a woman at work?

2010-06-16T15:02:00.001-04:00

Someone once gave me this exact advice. He claims it works for him.

The advice:
Instead of asking a girl for her phone number is asks her a number of question so that by the end of the interaction he know her name where she works and when she works. Then he calls her at her place of work to either speak with her, or find out when she works next, to either continue the conversation and or ask her out. At times he claims to just show up at her work if she works with the public, and says the girl is usually positive about it.

Well, I tried it early in my development....and because of the results I got, I will never advocate this to anyone.

The reason...

BLP#9 Beware Your Mentor

The person that gave me this advice used it in the 60s and 70s. Free love, adventurous times, no AIDS, and before sexual harassment laws. The person that gives this advice now, does not use it. He has been in a monogamous marriage for many many years, and has not calibrated his advice to women growing up and living and dating in this time. He also has other aspects to his ability to charm, that he himself can not acknowledge, articulate and takes for granted (i.e a natural).

Well, I tried this a number of times. It never worked.

I one case, I had a woman that I was having fun with at a wedding reception. I called her at her place of work to continue our interactions, by doing info gathering as he suggested and she freaked out.

I did something similar with another girl who eventually became one of the best girlfriends I ever had (she was one of the girls I went on my poly-date on V-day with). We dated a couple of time, and she was going away for the holidays. Just before she left, I called her place of work to wish her a nice trip. She was really put off for the fact I called her at work (she had given me her business card earlier so it is not like I had to do major research). She told me later that she found that action creepy and stalker-ish, and that the only reason she still continued to see me after that was that I had made a good impression on her on the dates beforehand.

In this modern age of new technologies, media stories of stalkers and killers, and how work place securities have tons of new rules about employee dating, internet use, and private communications...it is not a good idea in my opinion.

The only time that I could see this working in today's world is if the girl already likes you enough to fuck you, and you have some kind of social connection (social circle) to her that verifies you are safe and not some potential creepy stalker guy.
But for that, it requires a good amount of luck.

In the hands of a guy that has less than average social skills, it will likely land him in trouble and with a bad rep.

To learn more about how to be less creepy and have more charisma click here

-Frank

What they do not know...WILL hurt them part 2

2010-06-15T21:06:00.001-04:00

in response to a question I got...

What I mean in this article is that if you lie about something, and keep the truth from the person, it does not matter if they know it or not. The emotional needs of that person (if violated by told the truth) are still violated when told a lie to spare the person.
If you promised this girl to be only sexual with her, and then had sex with someone else behind her back, that is a violation of her emotional needs (like trust and honesty).
However,
if you made no such promise to be sexually exclusive with her, and if you made it clear that commitment (in this case sexual exclusivity) must be earned and not a direct expectation...well she may not LIKE it...but you have done nothing wrong. You did not violate the emotional need. Yes, she might be hurt that she is not the only one...she is human, and if she lacks experience with relationships this could very well be the case. The point is that her not liking a situation is not the same thing as violating her emotional needs. In fact, she could very well not like something that addresses her emotional needs. It is not about what she likes, it is about what she responds to.
The key element is that by either being:
1-completely honest
2-or making it a point to say that there are certain things you will not be discussing, and be clear on managing any unrealistic expectations from you
you are doing the right things to address her emotional needs, and not doing anything that would violate them.
Now, the exception to this rule is when a woman interprets your actions as violations, when in fact she is just playing an emotional manipulation game, and you have done nothing wrong. In those cases, it would be just a matter of time before she employed tactics on you and you are best to get rid of her because she makes false accusations against you.

To learn more about becoming an Ethical Seducer, click here

-Frank

media appearance- Wed June 16th at 10pm Prize giveaways

2010-06-14T16:12:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I am going to be on

Dr. Laurie's Passion show on CJAD 800 AM radio Montreal.

The episode is a monthly feature entitled "Dating Dilemmas" for which I will be co-hosting

The topic: dating and handicaps
If you are too fat, too short, in a wheel chair, blind, hearing impaired, etc....
then this is going to be a great show to listen to.

Date: Wed June 16th
Time: 10 pm to 11 pm EST

Listen live on the Internet at www.cjad.com

CALL IN NUMBER is
Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - TOLL FREE

I am going to do a PRIZE GIVEAWAY.

I am giving away a copy of the books

I'm A Man, That's My Job: The philosophy of a seducer
and
The Eye of the Seductress: A Workbook on the Emotional Needs of Men Vol 1

to two callers, that call in the show.

-Frank

What they don't know does hurt them...

2010-06-14T16:00:00.002-04:00

A question that comes up from time to time is whether or not it matters if a man or woman's emotional needs are being violated if the man or woman does not know about it.

Most common case example is an affair. The attitude of, "well if my partner does not know about it, it is not hurting anyone". In fact, many of those who commit adultery actually consider a hidden affair as a means of protecting their partner from feelings of betrayal and other hurt feelings.

I say bull.

Frankism: Ignorance is never a form of protection.

At most, keeping someone ignorant is there to protect the person who is doing wrong, not the person the information is being kept from.

Now when it comes to my Emotional Needs theories, I am very clear on what I teach.

It does not matter if the person you are dating knows or does not know about the actions you are taking violates his or her needs.

What matters is that IF they knew, they would feel the impact of the actions you are doing.

If the actions or words you employ violate your partners need if they knew about it, then I beleive that those same actions and words you employ STILL violate your partner's needs even if your partner is not aware of what you are doing. Period.

When I next revisit this topic I will cover:
-Secrets do not keep...it comes out eventually
-It DOES hurt someone. It hurts the person carrying the lie
-There is no reason to cheat when you can structure an open relationship

-Frank

This made me smile today...

2010-06-13T09:20:00.001-04:00

A woman in an open relationship that befriended Frank on facebook sent him this message:

I added you to my friends in the hopes to get updated about your new books and other activities. Even being a woman I admire your work educating men to get rid of falseness and be what they truly are.
-Alena I.

Some women really do get what Frank is all about.

Never Take Her Testing you as a Sign of Interest

2010-06-12T23:31:00.001-04:00

Never Take Her Testing you as a Sign of Interest
by Frank B Kermit

Never Take Her Testing you as a Sign of Interest, Nor should you take it Personally as an insult or mean game of trickery

Confused yet? I thought so. Don’t worry. As long as you remember these things to keep in mind, you will never take a woman’s tests of you personally, nor will you ever get side-tracked from your development because you run into an exception to the rule.

For example, I once tried to seduce a girl very early in my development, and I was doing everything I knew to be right at the time. However, when I leaned in to kiss her, even though I saw all the signs that the moment was right, she pulled away. I could not understand it. Needless to say, I met her through a friend’s party, and we never ended up dating. I kept going over the situation in my head, trying to figure out where I had gone wrong, and could not put my finger on it.

Years later, I would find out that this particular girl had a sexual fetish for unhealthy-thin, androgynous or very feminine, dark skinned, young Mexican men. That is all she was attracted to, that is all she wanted, and that is all she could accept sexually.

I never stood a chance, no matter how skilled I was.

She was an exception to the rule.

She tested me like any other woman, but short of major cosmetic plastic surgery, and a change to the time line of genetics, I could not get her even if I did pass all of her tests.

I made the mistake of taking her rejection VERY personally, because I saw it as an indication that I was flawed in my approach AND I felt I had been led on, figuring that she was testing me BECAUSE she liked me.

There is a theory that a woman will test you because she likes you. I disagree. She may be attracted to you. She may like you. But those feelings are not one in the same.

In my philosophy, a girl will test you, because that is what she is programmed to do. It has nothing to do with you. THAT is why you must never take it personally.

Understanding the above principles are key to understanding communication with women. and for the work you will have to do, to go from being an average guy to a seducer-in-training to being a man.

This has been an excerpt of the book:
Everything out of her mouth is a test.
You can check it out here

"That girls love a challenge." What does this really mean ?

2010-06-11T17:24:00.000-04:00

"That girls love a challenge." What does this really mean ?

It means she wants a guy to challenge every attempt she makes at mothering him.

Test it out...I think you will be happy with the results.

Also, to make sure that whatever commitment/attention/monogamy she wants, she feels she has earned. But just cutting her off at mothering is likely enough to give her the challenge she is looking for.

BTW, girls that go out of their way to "seek a challenge" in a relationship want lots of drama...only a drama-queen wants things to be more difficult and complicated than they have to be.

-Frank

Flying Rats ....

2010-06-09T12:47:00.008-04:00

Lately due to reasons I shall not elaborateabout on here, I have been doing some research on pigeons. You know those flying rats that are everywhere?Sorry dear readers for those of you who love them. They are not a friend to me. These darn birds are disease and insect carriers and breed like mad. From what I have researched, they can breed all year round,producing two eggs at a time and incubation is less than 3 weeks. That is a whole lotta pigeons! In fact, amongst my research I discovered that in Venice, Italy where it was once acceptable to feed the pigeons (the practice has been made illegal since 1997) the pigeon population actually EXCEEDS the human population. (information taken from www.europeforvisitors.com) That is right dear readers there are an estimated over 100,000 pigeons vs 60,000 human residents. How crazy is that?

As for keeping these pests as a pet? Do you know that pigeons are considered a pest bird and it is illegal to keep them in most municipalities around the world?

These are some of the diseases they carry (Info courtesy of Bird-X Inc).:

Examples of transmissible bird diseases associated with pigeons, geese, starling and house sparrows:

-- Histoplasmosis is a respiratory disease that may be fatal. It results from a fungus growing in dried bird droppings.
-- Candidiasis is a yeast or fungus infection spread by pigeons. The disease affects the skin, the mouth, the respiratory system, the intestines and the urogenital tract, especially the vagina. It is a growing problem for women, causing itching, pain and discharge.
-- Cryptococcosis is caused by yeast found in the intestinal tract of pigeons and starlings. The illness often begins as a pulmonary disease and may later affect the central nervous system. Since attics, cupolas, ledges, schools, offices, warehouses, mills, barns, park buildings, signs, etc. are typical roosting and nesting sites, the fungus is apt to found in these areas.

-- St. Louis Encephalitis, an inflammation of the nervous system, usually causes drowsiness, headache and fever. It may even result in paralysis, coma or death. St. Louis encephalitis occurs in all age groups, but is especially fatal to persons over age 60. The disease is spread by mosquitoes which have fed on infected house sparrow, pigeons and house finches carrying the Group B virus responsible for St. Louis encephalitis.
-- Salmonellosis often occurs as "food poisoning" and can be traced to pigeons, starlings and sparrows. The disease bacteria are found in bird droppings; dust from droppings can be sucked through ventilators and air conditioners, contaminating food and cooking surfaces in restaurants, homes and food processing plants.
-- E.coli. Cattle carry E. coli 0157:H7. When birds peck on cow manure, the E. coli go right through the birds and the bird droppings can land on or in a food or water supply.

Besides being direct carriers of disease, nuisance birds are frequently associated with over 50 kinds of ectoparasites, which can work their way throughout structures to infest and bite humans. About two-thirds of these pests may be detrimental to the general health and well-being of humans and domestic animals. The rest are considered nuisance or incidental pests. A few examples of ectoparasites include:

-- Bed bugs (Cimex lectularius) may consume up to five times their own weight in blood drawn from hosts which include humans and some domestic animals. In any extreme condition, victims may become weak and anemic. Pigeons, starlings and house sparrows are known to carry bed bugs.

-- Chicken mites (Dermanyssus gallinae) are known carriers of encephalitis and may also cause fowl mite dermatitis and acariasis. While they subsist on blood drawn from a variety of birds, they may also attack humans. They have been found on pigeons, starlings and house sparrows.

-- Yellow mealworms (Tenebrio molitor), perhaps the most common beetle parasites of people in the United States, live in pigeon nests. It is found in grain or grain products, often winding up in breakfast cereals, and may cause intestinal canthariasis and hymenolespiasis.

-- West Nile Virus while West Nile is technically not transmitted to humans from birds, humans can get infected by the bite of a mosquito who has bitten an infected bird. The obvious lesson is that the fewer birds there are in any given area, the better. This translates into a smaller chance of an infected bird in that area, a smaller chance of a mosquito biting an infected bird and then biting a human.

If nothing else creeps you out or makes you think twice. Bedbugs people! These nasty little things:
Do you have any idea what is required to clear a bedbug infestation? The physical work that is involved besides spraying for them? You have to scrub and clean every surface, wash everything washable in boiling hot water, put it in a dryer and have Hepa filters on your vacuum to catch any stray bugs. Every item has to be sorted through, bagged up and inspected. Still after all of that they can live for like 18 months without feeding! Hello!! They are feeding on you!! Got the heeby geebies yet? Get bedbugs and the psychological trauma along will have you scratching yourself and jumping at imaginary ones for years to come. Hmm kinda makes you think twice about feeding pigeons doesn't it?

Point being? Do not feed them. Do not house them. Do not support anyone who does. You are putting your health at risk if you do.

A best selling Data CD on Franktalks and lulu

2010-06-08T23:03:00.003-04:00

Whoo-hoo! some Frank news!

The Adult Male Virgin Data CD of 4 MP3s is the best selling Frank Talks CD on lulu.com!

It is ranked in the top 45 CDs best selling of all time on lulu.com.

Check it out on lulu.com right here

To read reviews of the program, go here:

Frank Advice - Confusion

2010-06-07T09:42:00.005-04:00

Dear Frank,

I had a little question for you, a bit of a block in my development these days. I set up 5 dates last week, all of them met with me, I brought each of them home with the same routine...none of them really went anywhere.

One of them at some point says "I'm not comfortable when I don't know my environment"
Another one said "Are you like this with all the girls"
I also got "You seem to expect something of me"
The others simply didn't feel comfortable, and neither did I (wink wink).

The thing is Frank, and I'm so confused...I'm not happy doing this whole generic thing with women, just bringing them home and taking them through my generic scheme. I genuinely want a connection with a girl, I want to fall in love...it's not needy love anymore though. But I feel I'm not actually feeling any of these girls but I bring them home ASAP because you always told me I have to have sex with them ASAP...what if sometimes my body doesn't want to have sex with them ASAP? I don't have issues with my sexuality anymore...but I like to make certain sexual choices...I like to feel something with a woman a little bit before sex...when they're over here at my place, I have trouble being interested in what they have to say...and I find normally, I only connect to someone when I can LISTEN.

I'm being vague...even I have trouble figuring out what the problem is. All I know is Frank, I want to have multiple women in my life and multiple connections. But I want deep connections...

My dates all DRAIN my ENERGY...I am feeling depressed. I feel I'm performing and not being myself. I don't feel good man, I even went as far as checking out books on depression and low-mood...This is like the after-effect of my dates.

Sometimes Frank, I wish I could just enjoy being with a girl like I am with a guy without having the obligation to go for the sex ASAP. I think I come off quite sexual these days, I talk about sexuality openly, no one has LJBF'd me in over a year...do you think if I put away the sex deliberately, it will bite me in the ass and I will just be the "friend" again?

I'm having trouble just enjoying myself and letting things happen, being more spontaneous. I feel I am kissing the girls and getting sexual just to try and fill the void of the GAME, my gut usually doesn't even want me doing the things I do. I think something's seriously wrong. I've had one night stands at this point Frank, I'm not Mr. Virgin anymore...that's why I'm asking myself...do I really have to get sexual within 2 hours of knowing her off a bus cold approach?

I also feel very lonely these days. I'm not horny either. I often long for the feeling of having someone with whom I can share love (while sleeping with other women).

I'm just very confused and depressed. Anything you've told me has always been the most helpful. I just feel like sometimes I forget what I want, rather than ENJOY my life. My dates feel like a chore.

-Name Withheld

Dear Name-Withheld

It sounds as if you have reached that level of your development where you have the skills to get women, but now want to focus on better relationships with them. Re-read the chapter of the stages of development of I'm a Man, That's my job.

Now is this because YOU don't want sex, or you are not closing the deal because you did not address an emotional need?

When a girl says "I'm not comfortable when I don't know my environment"
The Emotional Need being expressed is Protection and Safety: Thus, take her on a tour of the apartment when you first enter.

When a girl says "Are you like this with all the girls"
The Emotional Need being expressed is Fear of Abandonment because she does not feel unique to you. Tell her something unique about her that.

When a girl says "You seem to expect something of me" it is because she feels pressured thus the Emotional Needs of Protection/Safety and High Quality Sperm are being violated and she needs you to address those emotional needs.

Ironically, the whole thing seems generic to you because you are used to it. When you started out, it seemed brand new then. Are you dealing with guilt issues?

The idea that you would have such a super deep connection with that high amount of people you want is not realistic. Also, I want to narrow the focus here a little. It is possible to connect with many people, but the connections will not be the same. Each time I loved a woman, or multiple woman at the same time, the love was real, but it is different for each one. Can a man be in love with many woman at the same time? Yes. Will it be the same exactly with each woman? Hell no.
Also, not every woman you meet will be capable of earning those feelings from you. THAT is the reason why connecting with many people is not realistic. Connection needs TWO and it is not just about you.

Frankism: Even at your best, you are still only 50% of the Relationship. That is why choosing the right partner(s) is so important.

I still stand by that the sooner the sex the better but if you really do not want to have sex with them right away, then the easy answer is then don't. If something I advise does not work for you, then do not do it.

When yous say you want to feeling SOMETHING with a woman before having sex with her, what does that mean to you? At what level of feeling are you talking about? Deep love, or like her enough like a friend? What do you mean feel something? I want you to at least be aware of the pain this is causing you to have such expectations. Are you feeling guilty for enjoying sex?

Dude, the part of having trouble listening to her when she is at your place...this does not make any sense to me. You are taking girls home but don't like then enough to have sex. In order to like them enough you have to feel a connection, but at the same time you are not in the mood to connect with them.

This is creative avoidance I think. You have issues with feeling OK about the idea of having sex with someone that you are not in love with. If this is the case, don't bring girls home. However, THAT is what got you studying my material to begin with. Again, I think you are having guilt issues with the lifestyle.

You say you want to have multiple women and multiple connections, but that you want deep connections...Again, that type of deep love connections from many women requires that every woman be capable of connecting back with you. Some are damaged, some are not interested in anything more than just sex, and some are nice but don't have the depth necessary. Your expectation that something unrealistic being possible is providing you with a distraction to what I think is the real issue.

I think you are feeling depressed in part because you are starting to learn that sex and love do NOT equal the same thing. You can get sex now, but you want love. Well, that is harder to find MOSTLY because you are still growing as a person. You have not properly defined who you are (I know this sounds cliche, but hear me out). In the next 3 years you will finish school, maybe change careers, find that one belief is more important than another. You are shattering the illusions of what you thought love and relationships was SUPPOSE to be, and learning what they actually are. Again, read the section on Pain Revisited in Loser to Seducer, and the stage of development in I'm a Man, That's My Job.

Dude, when you wish that you could just enjoy being with a girl like you are with a guy without the obligation of going for sex...this sounds to me that you are RESENTING your gender role. Again this is the thinking of a man that is struggling with his gender role. A resentment of being the leader of a relationship. Wanting to hang out with a girl like a guy is you not being comfortable with your sexuality regardless of what you say. If you really really want to, wait until the third date or longer to have sex. If you were not being sexual like you are, you NEVER would have reached this high quality problem.

Do I think that you being non-sexual will result in you becoming an Emotional Cookie Man? Yes I do. UNLESS you can justify WHY. Read The Emotional Needs Analysis Workbook Vol 1. In the sample questions (see the preview) you will learn how to wait for sex in a way that addresses her emotional needs. You are thinking in such extremes.

"Letting things happen" is for THE WOMAN, not the man. She gets to enjoy things just happening. You are a man. YOU MUST MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Basically, you are resentful of having to be the man and leading the relationship, and do not appreciate sex as the trade off. Drama is not for the man, it is for the woman to enjoy.

Have you really considered what you want in a main girlfriend? I mean, you SAY that you want multiple long term relationships, but then you act resentful of what you need to do to get there. It is like saying you want to be rich, but resent having to do the things that will teach you to make money, and resent the money you have made. On some level, it comes down to issues of deserved-ness. You don't feel you are deserving of it. I think that you are not cut out for the pick up lifestyle, and if you really feel the way you are describing, then not even a monogamous relationship would work for you because you are struggling with feeling that you are worthy of love. On some level, it feels like you are not lovable, and when you get love from women (or sex) it does not sit right with you as it challenges who you are (*self identity) in the way you feel yourself.

My philosophy is, and always has been, the sooner the sex the better for men. When it is time to sex, a man must have sex. It is up to you if you want to set a particular time frame as to when you want to have sex. YOU have to decide for you what you think is healthy for you. Again read the ENA workbook sample exercises to learn how to wait for sex and still address her emotional needs.

I know you said that you wanted love, but not in a needy way at the beginning of this post, but dude, THIS IS NEEDY. Couple this with your illusions about the way love and sex are SUPPOSE to be, being shattered, and your longing to be the woman in the relationship (remove the pressure of being a man and leading) and letting things happen naturally....

You are feeling down because after everything you learned, you HATE the fact that you now have proof that your old way of thinking is NOT working for you. THAT is the source of your pain. (re-read Pain revisited Loser to Seducer)

It is OK to want love. I am married, and did so out of love. It is NOT OK to be this needy for it that it interferes with your ability to continue to fulfill your gender role as a man.

Dude, have you written down the criteria of the type of woman that you want as a primary like I tell you to do in I'm A Man, That's My Job? I doubt it. Read last few writing exercises of I'm A Man, That's My Job. It sounds to me that you meet these women, have sex with them, and HOPE they will be the one you can love the way you want. You have not learned to categorize the women you date and what to qualify them for. Once you figure out that qualities of the woman you want, then go to places where she would hang out, and meet her.

Why have you not done it yet? Because again, on some level, you don't really want what you claim to want. You just hate the obligations of being a man, and don't feel you deserve love. You have the skills to get it, but not the internal motivation.

Do the writing exercise "Why am I punishing myself?" inI'm A Man, That's My Job. Start there.

-Frank

Media Appearance - LA Radio Sunday June 6th -6 pmEST

2010-06-05T21:06:00.000-04:00

Frank is going to be on The Art of Love Radio Show

The Show will air 3pm PT/6pm EST on Sunday June 6th, 2010.

The Art of Love show will be heard live at

http://www.latalkradio.com

Sunday June 6, 2010

at 3pm PT/6pm ET. You can hear the show by clicking on:"Click to Listen Live"

Topic: The Emotional Needs of Men and Women, and the book The Eye of the Seductress

The show is hosted by Lucia.
Lucia is a dating/relationship expert specializing in Cougar relationships. She hosts “The Art of Love” on L.A. Talk Radio, is the author of “Lucia's Lessons of Love”, a keynote speaker and syndicated columnist. She hosted “The Art of Love” TV show for 3 years in Los Angeles.
She has been on over 100 national and international radio and TV Shows as an expert, including , “The CBS Early Show”, “60 Minutes Australia”, “The Tyra Banks Show”, "E! Entertainment", "The KTLA Morning Show", "Fox 5 News", “Playboy Radio" and “Cosmo Radio”. and most famously for “Dr. Phil”
She is the Cougar Expert on Videojug.com and was Miss UrbanCougar December 2005. She taught the worlds’ first Cougar class for The Learning Annex in 2007 titled, "How To Date Younger Men/How To Date Older Women".

Frank Advice - the Plight of the Pick Up Artist

2010-06-05T21:02:00.002-04:00

reposted from another forum....

Dear Frank
After you get good at picking up women the question is: What do you do to keep the girl that blows your mind the most? What do you do when you find the perfect girl?
I can pick up. I can get sex. But I am not able to get them into a committed relationship.
Any ideas? What do when we found the right girl?
What are the skills I have to develop in order to build a life with a woman? I know is a though and extensive question but it will be great if you mention the most important.
-Anon

----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Anon,

Well, I could plug my entire library of material as I teach for relationships, not one night stands, but here is a summery.

Something for you to consider...despite the marketing, I beleive that the skills used to meet the girl are not transferable to keeping the girl.

Most of the skills taught are designed for a lifestyle of many sexual encounters, and keeping yourself unattached.

Many of the people teaching are guys that may "say" they want something long term down the road, but they do not commit the "actions" of such a person.

If you beleive that at some point you want to build a life with a woman, you need to start developing those skills now.

See my homework exercise thread on the categories of women...that is the place to start for what you want to begin developing.

In my personal philosophy, you can meet that "right" girl at any time. You do not control when you might meet her...in fact, you might already know her and she is in your contact circle.

What you do control is what you do to get ready to have such a relationship with someone.

If you want an analogy...one of the biggest reasons that those people that come into a lot of money and then blow it is because they still have the mentality of being poor and making bad money choices (spending on liability and not assets). So someone wins the lottery and within 2 years is back on welfare. It is the person the starts learning what to do with money and how to manage it when they are poor that will be able to maximize how to manage their money when they become rich, so that they stay rich and likely become richer.

I did not wait until I ran into my ex-fiance (the person I then thought was the girl of my dreams). I spent my development in seduction learning relationship management so that I would know what to do before I ran into her. When I finally got her back after years apart, that skill also taught me that she was not the dream girl for me that I thought she was.
I continued to development my skills so that the night I met my wife, I already had them and within 26 hours of our first date we decided to marry. It was an over-night relationship success that came after working on my relationships skills for years. I never personally learned ONS game because it did not factor into my goals.

Depending on who you are learning from, and what the environment is that the teacher is calibrated you...whatever skills you master turn into your repeating behavior patterns. It is not something you do consciously. It will become habit for you in the long term.

Lets assume that those particular repeating behavior patterns are great to pick up and get laid fast in a club environment for short term flings and one night stands. Nothing wrong with that IF that is what you are seeking. However, if you want to eventually have a relationship with one person (lets assume you still want monogamy) that will last long term, the issue isn't just finding such a girl that you would want to build a future with.

The issue is going to be whether or not your repeating behavior patterns will either drive away such a woman, and/or if those same repeating behavior patterns that worked in club environment on the bar hottie would repel the kind of woman that you could build a future with and trust with your bank account. This seems to be a big challenge for even the most famous pick up artists in the community who are lost when what they are used to working for them to get the girl, turns out to be exactly the action that makes the ones they really want not even consider him for anything more than a passing good time.

What turns on one women with a certain emotional needs criterion, will turn off another woman with a different emotional needs criterion.

The key is to development behavior that will help you get laid with the type of women that you could potentially build a future with. The sacrifice is that you will not be developing skills to nail the kind of girls that you might just like to fuck.

It is a matter of time (how much time you have to put into skill development), and which behaviors you make a habit.

Here is an example:

A man that studies pick up (esp for clubs) learns to use fear of abandonment as leverage to make a girl behave to his liking, as well as uses tactics such as presenting a false image of himself (acts more social than he really is, acts like he has more money than he really has, etc...)
These behaviors will attract a certain type of woman. One that is looking for the next emotional high (so the threat of abandonment fills that need for drama), and wanting to fulfill a fantasy of being with the high status guy (specifically, she wants to be with his status, not necessarily with him. Another man (ANY man) with the same status or higher will do.
However, that is not the same kind of woman that you would ever be able to trust with your bank account and to be responsible in raising your kids.
But the skills to attract the type of woman that does those better behaviors for your long term relationships are not something you have learned. So through force of habit you will commit those same behaviors that have worked for you in the past to get laid.
You will threaten to abandon her if she does not do what you want, instead of learning to lead a woman that wants the same end goal as you and using elements of compasion instead of fear threatening.
You will use a woman desire to use you for your status and reward it, instead of learning to pay attention to a way a woman treats you for what you can offer, and have her stick around despite the things you can not offer.

One set of behaviors works very well for a lifestyle of short term flings and constant recruitment. The other skill set will help you find the kind of girl that you can have a long term relationship with, and to maintain that relationship through life challenges like death in the family, loss of employment and raising children.

I have written quite a bit on this, and cover this aspect in depth in my teachings.

For now, the place to start is to make your criteria list in the homework I assigned.

-Frank

2010-06-03T10:44:00.003-04:00

I found this video online and it just made me laugh. It is a Dutch commercial regarding Gay rights using Bert and Ernie.

So what do you think?

The Art of Calibration: From Creepy to Charisma

2010-05-31T12:53:00.005-04:00

The Art Of Calibration Program 3 CD set

The Art of Calibration: From Creepy to Charisma. This program teaches a person HOW to calibrate and removes the vagueness surrounding the word. Defining Calibration, Charisma, Creepy, and Chutzpa. This includes how to calibrate to any environment for any interaction even in unfamiliar situations, how to calibrate your behaviors while staying true to your beliefs and how to identify and get rid of your own creepy habits. These basic rules of calibration take it a step away from art and towards science. You will learn the famous Frank S.L.A.P. Relationship Theory. This is a MINDSET as well as technical skill set. This program is applicable on a date, in the work place, at home with family and in all social situations. This a system which allows you to develop your own calibration skills as well as breaking each skill down into the traits that make them be seen in that specific light. Frank also gives you things to do to become more calibrated as well as exercises to help get you there faster and with fewer problems. This program is essential if you are notorious for being labeled as creepy or you would just like to be seen as a charismatic person who knows how to handle any situation you stumble upon.

Also available to purchase on MP3 HERE

Do you want to hear a preview? Listen HERE

If you prefer to read the reviews. You can do so HERE

Happy Birthday Frank and Jade!!

2010-05-29T10:33:00.003-04:00

Yes dear readers, we have a collective birthday! Today is the birthday of Frank and his lovely wife Jade. I would love it if you would send Frank and I a birthday greeting via this blog! Show us your support because only one person has commented on this blog. Let us know that you are indeed reading it.

3-Day Lulu Discount Coupon-20% off

2010-05-25T10:34:00.004-04:00

Get a book to go and save 20%.

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Frank Around The World

2010-05-24T10:03:00.004-04:00

Frank has been working hard to have parts of his website directly translated into different languages. You can check them out by going to his website HERE

The languages are: English, French, Spanish, Turkish and Arabic. This means that you don't have to search for a language translation tool on the web and then cut and paste before you can read Franks site.

Do you speak a language not listed yet? Are you interested in translating a page? Contact Frank directly at frank@franktalks.com to inquire about taking on this task.

Listen to Frank on the Howie Silbiger Show

2010-05-21T08:33:00.003-04:00

Date: May 17, 2010
Title: Howie Silbiger Show on Radio Shalom 1650 AM
Description: Frank B Kermit is a guest on the Montreal radio Shalom station on the Howie Silbiger Show. On this show, Frank and Howie talk about Making Monogamy Work

The topic was about my program on Making Monogamy Work.

This was a last minute interview, so there was no time to announce it prior, however, you can listen to it as a free download on the website at www.franktalks.com/media

Radio Shalom is a Jewish Radio Station in Montreal, so there was a religious angle to the interview in case some of you do not find the interview "seduction" enough.

-Frank

Feminists- Something to Think About

2010-05-16T10:15:00.004-04:00

The other day I read online where a woman was saying that it was crazy for another woman to say that she "needed" a baby. That no one "needs" a baby. How sad for her that she is drowning in Feminist propaganda. I can only assume that she is single and alone, and no doubt destined to stay that way if she keeps up her beliefs. Some women do feel that having children is not for them. That is okay, but many women do want children but are torn by the propaganda that tells them they "should" want more.

**************************************************************************************

Feminist with no kids: What was I thinking?

By LORRAINE V. MURRAY

Palm Beach Post-Cox News Service

Friday, May 09, 2008

Mother's Day can be painful for women without children. We yearn to read the flowery cards, exclaim over mysterious packages and bury our noses in satiny bouquets.

Of course, I am delighted each year when my goddaughter remembers me with chocolates, but still I look back at my younger self and say, "Girl, what were you thinking?"

What were you thinking when you became so embroiled in the feminist movement that you embraced every tarnished bit of propaganda? What were you thinking when you saw pregnancy as a problem, not a blessing? And when you turned to that feminist so-called solution known as abortion?

What were you thinking when you later hopped aboard the childless-by-choice bandwagon? That agenda was dubbed "child-free," by the way, a word implying a delicious state of unencumbered being.

Let's get real. Life without children means a big empty space in the heart. It means you don't get breakfast in bed with burnt toast on Mother's Day. And you don't get to host parties attended by herds of sticky toddlers, while the dog hangs out under the table hoping for a tidbit.

Yes, the childless vacuum can partly be filled by the love of nieces, nephews and godchildren, but nothing can substitute for real motherhood.

In my youth, I didn't see the dangerous message of the feminist movement, which still preys on women today. Feminists urged women to pursue their dreams, whether that meant medical school or police work, but there was one endeavor women were supposed to turn their backs on. It was putting marriage and children first and foremost in one's life and in one's heart.

For women who were determined to have children, feminists said to hold off until you landed the graduate degree or the big promotion or the first book contract. And if this meant waiting until you were 40, 45 or 50, hey, no problem. What a big shock when women discovered that Mother Nature danced to a different beat, with female fertility starting to decline in the late 20s. Despite all the winsome messages in Mother's Day cards, feminists still persist in trying to make moms feel guilty.

We've heard so much feminist lingo over the years: glass ceilings, second shift, juggling responsibilities, mommy wars, and on and on. Maybe it's time to stop all the bickering and admit the truth.

For many women, the most feminine pursuit of all is being somebody's full-time mother.

So, happy Mother's Day to all the women who took the plunge! Let the cakes be iced and the cards be opened! Let parades of little children with burnt toast begin! And please don't forget the dog under the table waiting for his tidbit.

Frank is Co-Hosting Thursday Night!

2010-05-12T22:45:00.002-04:00

Don't forget to tune in to CJAD 800 AM Thursday night at 10pm to listen to Dr Laurie Betito and her fabulous Co-Host Frank B Kermit as they discuss this months topic "Where to find single people?"

Show your support to Frank and call in. If you don't have a question just call in to say hello and/or let Dr Laurie know how much Frank has changed your life for the better!

The segment is called DATING DILEMMAS. This will be a monthly feature with Dr Laurie Betito.

DATING DILEMMAS
Reformed Seducer and Relationship Coach Frank Kermit (of www.franktalks.com) co-hosts Passion. Dr. Laurie and Frank discuss the dating dilemmas of "Singledom" and will address everything from first dates and first impressions to bad break ups and commitment problems

The number to call is:

Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - Toll Free
Cellular Talk Show Line: *8255 [*TALK]
To listen:

in Montreal: CJAD radio - AM 800
on the net: www.CJAD.com (listen to the LIVE Stream)

Frank Co-Hosting With Dr Laurie on May 12th!!- MOVED TO MAY 13TH -LISTEN IN, JOIN IN!!

2010-05-11T09:52:00.004-04:00

There has been a one day delay to due to the Playoffs so Frank is Co-Hosting With Dr Laurie on May 13th!! -LISTEN IN, JOIN IN!!

Frank B Kermit will be Co-Hosting with Dr Laurie on her show Passion on:

Thursday May 13th, 10pm EST

The segment is called DATING DILEMMAS. This will be a monthly feature with Dr Laurie Betito.

DATING DILEMMAS
Reformed Seducer and Relationship Coach Frank Kermit (of www.franktalks.com) co-hosts Passion. Dr. Laurie and Frank discuss the dating dilemmas of "Singledom" and will address everything from first dates and first impressions to bad break ups and commitment problems.

The topic this month is: Where to find single people?

Call in to the show to ask questions, comment or give a shout out to Frank! Give a fake name if you want to remain annonymous, but call in. Frank wants to hear from you! To all the guys that Frank teaches and has helped, show your support to your Mentor.

The number to call is:

Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - Toll Free
Cellular Talk Show Line: *8255 [*TALK]

To listen:

in Montreal: CJAD radio - AM 800
on the net: www.CJAD.com (listen to the LIVE Stream)

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2010-05-08T12:17:00.004-04:00

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Frank Co-Hosting With Dr Laurie on May 12th!! -LISTEN IN, JOIN IN!!

2010-05-06T08:49:00.003-04:00

Frank B Kermit will be Co-Hosting with Dr Laurie on her show Passion on:

Wed May 12th, 10pm EST

The segment is called DATING DILEMMAS. This will be a monthly feature with Dr Laurie Betito.

DATING DILEMMAS
Reformed Seducer and Relationship Coach Frank Kermit (of www.franktalks.com) co-hosts Passion. Dr. Laurie and Frank discuss the dating dilemmas of "Singledom" and will address everything from first dates and first impressions to bad break ups and commitment problems.

The topic this month is: Where to find single people?

Call in to the show to ask questions, comment or give a shout out to Frank! Give a fake name if you want to remain annonymous, but call in. Frank wants to hear from you! To all the guys that Frank teaches and has helped, show your support to your Mentor.

The number to call is:

Montreal: (514) 790-0991
Long Distance Line: 1-800-491-CJAD (2523) - Toll Free
Cellular Talk Show Line: *8255 [*TALK]

To listen:

in Montreal: CJAD radio - AM 800
on the net: www.CJAD.com (listen to the LIVE Stream)

What Have They Done To Sesame Street?

2010-05-03T11:10:00.008-04:00

Oh Sesame Street what have they done to you? Let's start with the opening song. It used to be this:

Now it is this. Listen for the way they sing Sesame Street, it is really odd:

Where are all the puppets? They have drastically reduced the amount of air time the puppets get now. Whereas it used to be mostly puppet sketches with live action, now it is full of animation with hardly any puppets to be seen, unless it is that blasted Elmo! That furry red beast seems to be everywhere! Have you seen " Elmo's Song" Seriously? Is this what the songs on Sesame Street have been reduced to? Surly they can come up with something that requires more brain power than this?

The one that really kills me is "Abby's Flying Fairy School" which is an animated series about a would be fairy named Abby and her friends who attend Fairy school taught by a flower wearing fairy named Mrs Sparklenose who teaches them how to be fairies. That seems alright until you learn that her friends and fellow class mates are two males, one named Goneagain who sports giant green wings and apparently has a social anxiety disorder as he keeps disappearing at random and Blog, a large furry purple troll who sports iridescent wings and keeps making mistakes. So what does this teach our male children? The two female characters are the dominant ones in this program who are shown to have the correct answer frequently (the teacher and Abby are often seen ordering and correcting the two male characters) and the two males are the submissive characters who are shown to be making mistakes. (magical errors, wrong answers etc). What is this teaching our male children? The Sesame Street website says that this program was "designed to promote childrens reasoning and problem solving skills." Granted there is a great deal of that shown in this program but unfortunately they feminized the male characters in the process! Male characters should not be shown learning to be fairies, having pretty wings and flying around waving wands! Check it out for yourself on the Sesame Street website HERE

Some may so that is just a cartoon and I am reading too much into it but it is an example of how far to the other side our society has taken equality and gender roles. Moving away from the topic of Sesame Street for a moment and look at any modern commercial in North America and you will find that most of them bash men in some way. The bubbling husband or boyfriend has replaced the once knowledgeable and competent man. I could go on but that is a topic for another day.

As for Sesame Street, I miss you classic Sesame Street. I miss your psychedelic counting animation, Super Grover, your singing oranges, when Cookie Monster only ate cookies, Mr Hooper, and all the other fun characters that used to populate Sesame Street. I miss when kids were given credit for being intelligent ,when they were taught to count higher than 10, and when little boys were little boys, little girls were little girls, and monsters? well monsters came in all shapes, sizes and colours, but you could always tell which was the boy monster and which was the girl monster.

I leave you with some of my sons favorite classic Sesame Street clips:

Frank Interviews Micha Berman aka Micha The Mouth

2010-05-01T09:42:00.006-04:00

Frank Interviews Micha Berman aka Micha The Mouth

Episode #1005

Original Air Date: April 2010

Download this FREE interview # 1005 HERE

Micha Berman aka Micha The Mouth is the author of the book Permanent Passenger: My Life on a Cruise Ship. This is currently the #1 top selling book of the Travel category on Lulu.com.
Micha Berman has a reputation for breaking into tough jobs and has a knack for seeking adventure and continues to use his microphone skills honed on the cruise ship as a professional voice over artist. His voice can be heard on radio and television commercials. For several years he taught a class on "How to Get a Job on a Cruise Ship," and has published magazine articles on how to break into the cruise line industry. In this episode of FrankTalks, Micha shares his story about how he learned the Cruise Ship life was for him, what he did to break into that industry, and his adventures working on a cruise ship. Also covered is the lifestyle for cruise ship crews, romance on the sea, what he learned about himself, how he calibrates to people of different backgrounds, and how he used what he learned to get a job in the cruise ship industry, in order to break in to the even tougher world of voice work. To learn more about this book by Micha Berman please go HERE

Beware These Seduction Tactics

2010-04-30T10:07:00.003-04:00

Beware These Seduction Tactics
by Frank B Kermit

There are certain tactics used by people studying seduction that, although may work to garner some attraction in the short term, have very limited value (more like NO VALUE) long term.

Here are the tactics...

1. When a man encourages bad behaviors in a woman (behaviors we will define as bad because he would not want her to do it to him) as a means of getting her to have sex with him in the short term.

Now, why is this a bad tactic if it works? It is because the men who use this FAIL to realize that in time, she will repeat this behavior pattern and do to HIM, what he has influenced her to do for him to get with her to begin with.

Here are some examples:

A man and a woman are talking, and she admits to using the men that she knows who like her for things like gifts, money and such while withholding the sex. The man in this case seeking to gain rapport with her, agrees with her that she SHOULD continue to do this (framing it as her doing it to other men, but not to him) so that she will be more influenced to have sex with him without subjecting him to the same conditions.

Can this work? Yes. It can work in the short term.

However, in the long term, that same woman will revert to her programmed instincts (the one the man encouraged) and she will continue to repeat that pattern with him. At some point, if he becomes weak in any part of the frame he set, she will dominant him as her instinct to mother will likely override his skill of dominance (assuming he is not a natural at this skill).

Let's look at another example...

2. A man influences a woman to cheat on her partner, so that he can have sex with her. Sounds good right? Well, long term if the man and the woman continue their involvement, it is more than likely (almost a certainty) that she will in fact repeat the same behaviors against him, that she committed on her previous partners. Why is it more likely?

Because he is the man. He leads the relationship and he encouraged the very behaviors that he himself would not want perpetuated on him. He set the frame, and she follows his rules, NOT HIS EXCEPTIONS.

The bottom line of this post is that if you want to build long term relationships with women (one long term monogamous partner, or having on going multiple women management relationships) you MUST only encourage those behaviors that will work to your long term benefits (those behaviors that you would want her to enact with and towards YOU).

Do it. Even if it means that you may lose some "fun" in the short term.

Part of being a man of congruence and dominance is to have your standards and deal breakers in place for the woman you interact with so you can categorize them and conduct yourself accordingly.

The most important thing is how she treats you. It is even more important than the way she looks.

-Frank

Even Feminists Love Frank

2010-04-29T10:51:00.003-04:00

Hi All,

I was interviewed for McClung's Magazine. McClung’s is a feminist magazine based out of Ryerson University in Toronto, Canada.

To read it online, pages 28-30. Please go to:

http://issuu.com/mcclungs/docs/spring2010

I was presented very well I think. Also featured in the article were Dimitri the Lover and Sexuality Therapist Rebecca Rosenblat.

-Frank

The Something For Nothing Attitude.

2010-04-28T10:45:00.003-04:00

This story came to me the other day, and it reminded me of when the community first started and those of us who were there from the beginning, would buy the actual original works to study from. There was no downloading technology. We invested in the products and thus in ourselves. The success rate of the guys was very high. Today, with new technologies, illegal access to materials is easy, but the success rates of the people downloading compared to those people that invest is zero. This is not a coincidence.

Here is that story...aimed at the people that have a something for nothing attitude:

-Frank B Kermit

A friend and I ran a recording studio in Montreal. Some of our clients were rich, some were poor, some paid up on time better than others. One was a hip hop artist, among a few we had, not bad. He really wanted to see his album completed and tried to bargain more hours with us - telling us that we should cut him deals because of his promising talent and ambition. I took his aside and said, "See, you've got dreams. I can tell. You've got drive, you've got a vision, you've got dreams. And your dreams have a PRICE. That's why they're worth something to you - you have to do something to get them. You have to struggle a little to fulfill yourself further, like everybody. Like we did. In your case if it means working more, saving up, stepping out of your comfort zone, doing whatever you have to, then that's what it takes. YOUR DREAMS HAVE A PRICE. Are you willing to PAY that price to get what you're after?" He didn't argue.
-RR

Lulu.com 10% Discount Coupon for April!

2010-04-26T08:32:00.003-04:00

Purchase any of Frank B Kermit's work at Lulu.com now until April 30, 2010 and receive a 10% discount on your order when you enter the word SHOWERS. This offer applies to the purchase price only and does not apply to shipping costs. Offer ends April 30, 2010 at 11:59 EDT.

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Stop Being Such A Bitch!

2010-04-24T20:23:00.003-04:00

To all the women out there who love to jerk men around. Stop being such a bitch and then maybe you will actually find a decent man!

I was on a forum tonight where a woman was complaining that her "friend with benefits" would not commit to her. She then went on to say that although her heart could not be fully given to this guy because she will still not over her ex, she expected him to totally be into her and was so confused that he was not. Go figure! When she was called out for her behaviour she changed her tune and said it was about all men in general and that she wasn't like that at all. In the end, she claimed that people were making fun of her and they shouldn't do that because some people who post on the internet might be so upset they would kill themselves over comments such as the ones directed at her. OMFG!!

Lady, stop the drama. Stop being such a bitch! Seriously it is women like you who make men run screaming in the other direction. It is women like you who make it hard for other women to find the nice guys because those nice guys are getting jerked around by stupid bitches like you, and they get so messed up they end up staying with these women far, far too long.

If you are a man in this situation or something similar and the woman in your life is treating you like crap, or wants you to commit to her but has no interest in committing to you, then please consider leaving her. Please find your balls in her handbag and run, run far far away!

To all the women out there who do want to learn. This is the book I recommended to the stupid bitch who by the way said "I don't want to seduce anyone" Hmmm yeah right lady you just want to jerk him around.

The Eye of The Seductress: Volume 1- A Workbook For Women To Learn About The Emotional Needs of Men

BUY IT HERE

How FrankTalks Helped One Man- A Review

2010-04-23T08:38:00.005-04:00

**All names have been changed to protect the identities of the person(s) mentioned. Edited for grammar and spelling.**

"How FrankTalks Changed My Life" by Anonymous

The following is an excerpt from my development journal on my thoughts just after my first "lay" since studying the Emotional Needs Theories and related products:

It was about one year ago that I heard Frank talk about his Emotional Needs theory at a PSI (a Toronto lair) guest speaker meeting. That was when I thought this was what I wanted to learn. It makes the most sense to me, it handles the situations that I could not explain that I went through before, and if this guy is considered to be an expert, the way he looks?- there must be some truth in his teachings. Simon, a FrankTalks student, was one of the people who helped me to get a glimpse of the potential for Frank's material. Without his personal stories and explanation of how it worked for him, I may not have studied the Emotional Needs. It's been one year, a full circle from being introducing to the theories and my first "lay" since studying Frank's material, and I know that it does work for me. This may sound like a long time, but for me the things I've learned have applied in so many situations where other people have found difficulty. It is worth the time spent to figure it out. I've heard guys say I'm still working on "transitioning", or " comfort", or "escalation"and they're started this before I started my development and they're still doing the same things with the same problems! While I'm not a "Master" at these things, I found what has worked for me and moved on to other parts of the attraction process to get myself to where I want to be.

Thank you, Frank. I never thought I'd get to this point on some skill level instead of fully on luck. "Frankisms" have worked so well for me to give me that quick reminder what is the right thing to do, what is the best thing to do, this of course understanding the deeper meaning and applications of your words.

Frank B Kermit Featured in the blog "Decoding The Sexes"

2010-04-21T10:07:00.007-04:00

The blog called Decoding The Sexes has written a post about attending Franks Emotional Needs Theory. You can read it in its entirety here.

How to keep each other happy

April 10, 2010 by Samuel Gruszecki
Filed under Relationships

One thing we’re always looking for is a way to keep that other person happy. We want to keep our girlfriend happy. We want our boyfriend to smile. If we go to hit on someone we want them to think about fun things when they see us, because we want them to know that moving forward they’ll be happy whenever they’re around us. How is it these happy

couples exist? What are they doing that you’re not? I just may have some insight.

I was at a seminar a little while ago with a great relationship expert Frank B. Kermit. He developed a theory called the 10 emotional needs of women. One of the concepts is that women need emotional variation. They actually crave DRAMA. Many times when talking with women I hear “I don’t like drama” or “I want a drama free relationship”, but is this really possible? Truth is women need drama in their lives or they will get completely bored. I’m not talking about the massive fights and doctor/lover/brother/long lost cousin relationship that you see when watching the soaps. I’m referring to keeping things out of the ordinary. (Stay with me here, we’ll get to men in a minute)

Let’s take a scale to plot out where the emotional needs stand. The straight line going right across the middle will be our emotional stand still point. A place where we just exist. Above that line will be the numbers 1 – 10 and below the numbers 1 – 10, but with a negative sign beside it. Each number represents an degree change. To keep happy women need variation. Lack of variation = boredom. Boredom = disinterest. Disinterest = broken relationship. We could take the easy way out and give our women everything they want, but will that really help?

The key to happy – all it takes is a little

The blue line represents the emotional variation of women
The red line represents the emotional variation of men

Let’s take a look at gifts, as an example. Bring home flowers out of the blue and see what happens. At first there will probably be joy, followed by suspicion, followed by acceptance. Do it again the next day you’ll probably get the same thing. Do it every day for 2 weeks and it has lost all effect. Now we just have flowers everyday and ignore their place on the table. Maybe they end up becoming a nuisance because they’re in the way and have to be moved from the middle of the table every time you want to eat. Now stop bringing them home after two weeks and take a break for a week. Bring them home again and see how great a surprise it is. What we’ve done a special surprise and turned it into a habitual expectation. We can easily get used to the things we have and don’t realize how great they are until they’re gone. This goes for all aspects in life. Give a person absolutely everything they ask for and they’ll never be happy. The once exciting experience levels out and becomes the new ‘0’ on the scale.

Men, on the other hand like things to be stagnant. A man’s desired emotional variation scale runs straight along that ‘0’ sitting in the middle. Bring in an event that causes a shift and generally a guy will want you to back off, give him some space to deal with what’s going on, and when they’ve come back to a nice equal balance they’ll be good to go. How many times have you gotten into an argument and the guy has said “well what do you want me to do?” His desire is to keep the emotional variation at a minimum and keep her happy. Sometimes he just needs a little help.

Everyone has different experiences and when it all comes down to it you need to find what works for you. Keep these theories in mind in your own relationships and see if they fit the mold. It’s ultimately your choice how you choose to live, but this may provide some help with figuring out how to make the most of your situation.

*The references to Frank B. Kermit’s emotional needs of women are how I’ve interpreted his message. For more information on the 10 emotional needs of women and many other topics Frank has brought to help men and women live together, happily, you can visit his site at http://www.franktalks.com

Signs You Are An Emotional Cookie Man

2010-04-20T09:22:00.005-04:00

Are you a man who likes a certain woman. She is your "friend". You really want it to be more but she just sees you as a friend. It's great isn't it? You get to hold her purse while she shops, tell her how good her ass looks in her new pants, even help her pick out that perfect outfit for a date...Hmm see something wrong here? Do you have the duties of a boyfriend but you aren't even dating her or sleeping with her? Do you listen to all of her troubles and dating woes? Does she think that you are such a "great listener" and such a "good buddy?" Well you are, you are her "Emotional Cookie Man." How about being her boyfriend instead? You need:

From Friends To Lovers: Stop Being Her Emotional Cookie Man Paperback Book

How does a man turn his female friend into his lover even when she has rejected him in the past? Why would a woman rather date and have sex with a stranger than a male friend she had known for years? What emotional needs do male friends (Emotional Cookie Men) address and which ones do they violate such that they don't get to date their female friends? What does it take to make a woman date and fall in love with one of her male friends? Why don't women see their male friends as sexually capable beings? What is the difference between a real female friend and a woman that uses men?

BUY THE PAPERBACK BOOK HERE

Also available in CD or MP3. BUY HERE

PREVIEW HERE

READ REVIEWS HERE

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2010-04-19T10:14:00.004-04:00

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With A Failing Heart And Mended Knees I Will Still Love You

2010-04-15T12:32:00.005-04:00

I have the sweetest Aunt and Uncle in the world. They are the kind of people who are happy to see you no matter what. You can call and say "Hey, I am coming over" and they don't panic, running around to clean and get mad at you for not telling them sooner. They say "oh great, I'll put the kettle on" and really mean it.

My Uncle is my mothers second oldest brother and he couldn't be more different from her. He is relaxed and calm, kind and caring with a wicked sense of humour that takes a while to catch onto. He is one of those people that tells a joke with a straight face and just a hint of a smile and then he waits for you to "get it". My Aunt is a ball of energy. In her sixties she was on a seniors soccer team taking the hits and kicking like a pro. Now in her 80's with her knees having been replaced, she is slower, but only by a little. An avid gardener she can grown just about anything and I have a fond memory of walking into her kitchen once and finding an Orchid happily sitting in the middle of her kitchen table. Forget about the special soil, humid conditions and tender care, that little Orchid was happy right where it was, plunked down on an old wooden table, thriving amongst the fragrant smells and organized chaos of their home.

Recently they won some money at their local Legion Hall, a place for veterans to go to that has social events, nice home made lunches and generally a relaxing place. They took those winnings and decided to share it with their children (3 daughters) and us. So one day I came home to find a sweet little card with a real dried flower on it (there was a hand written arrow from my Aunt on the card pointing that out) with a bill tucked in it. How kind of them to think of us.

I am sad as I type this because my Uncle has failing heath. He is in his 80's and has over the last few years dealt with some medical issues one of which is his heart. He has had tests and is waiting for more results but his heart doesn't beat the proper way. It seems to have a rhythm all its own. How ironic the universe can be.

Their love for each other and their continued kindness is an inspiration to me. With age some people become increasingly cold and bitter, holding on to their slights both real and imagined, finding fault with everyone and everything. Never wanting to share, hoarding their love and their possessions like hermits in a cave. Others take the lessons they have learned and share them, they spread their love to others freely and accept people for who they are, respecting them and their choices.

To my Aunt Christine and Uncle Donald - Thank You. Thank you for accepting and loving me for who I am. For showing me that love can exist in a marriage. For not only accepting my husband and our son, but for loving them too without strings attached.

Frank is on Dr Laurie Betito tonight!!

2010-04-14T15:51:00.002-04:00

Frank B Kermit makes his fourth appearance on the Montreal radio show PASSION hosted by Dr. Laurie Betito, a Psychologist with a specialty in Sex Therapy. This show, "PASSION", has soared to take the number one position in its time slot, and it is the only show of its kind on Montreal airwaves. It airs on CJAD 800.

On this show Frank and Laurie talk about everything you ever wanted to know about seduction, but were afraid to ask. When the sex is bad//The art of seduction with Frank B. Kermit

Station: CJAD 800 AM

Date: Wed April 14th, 2010

Time: 10-11 pm

Website: HERE

Live call in talk radio show

Tales from Mrs Kermit

2010-04-12T11:35:00.007-04:00

So someone recently sent an email to Frank complaining that I don't post enough about myself. That I only post advertising of products for Frank. Well, I do promote Franks work, that was the idea behind this blog. We wanted a venue where the average person who had never heard of Frank B Kermit or his work would be able to get aquainted with it away from the hype and drama that is often intertwined with this area of work. What drama? Well dear reader, far too often there is a great deal of misunderstanding and instantly offended persons who THINK that they know who Frank is and what he teaches before they even speak to him or hear the information in full due to the fact that Frank teaches and writes on some "alternative" topics such as Alternative Relationship Choices, How to Steal Her Away From a Jerk, and the ever popular Adult Male Virgins- and hey Mr I don't like what you post - Yeah those are product plugs! Get over it!! Look I am very proud of what Frank writes and teaches. I believe in his work and his beliefs. If I didn't we would not be together. Oh and for all the naysayers out there, how many Relationship Experts do you know who are happily married? Do your research, most of them are single and alone.

I will say that I do try to post non FrankTalks related topics on here from time to time, but as a mom to a very active, non sleep loving 10 month old, it is hard some days to get other things done never mind post on the blog. So yeah I do "cheat" and post product information instead. Lately I have been posting Franks radio interviews. They are the newest things that Frank has done and they are an interesting thing to listen to. Frank interviews all sorts of people with varied topics, and Mr I don't like what you post, FYI they are FREE to listen to. Not one red cent is ever made from any of these interviews.

Frank Interviews author Robert Marckini

2010-04-11T18:08:00.004-04:00

Frank Interviews Robert Marckini

Original Air Date: April 2010

Download this interview in MP3 here

Robert Marckini is a Cancer survivor and author of the book You Can Beat Prostate Cancer. This is currently the #3 top Selling book on lulu.com of all time. Marckini now runs an international prostate cancer support group Brotherhood of the Balloon and explains the treatment for cancer called Proton Beam Therapy
On this show, we discuss prostate cancer, how to detect it, how to prevent it, what men are most at risk, what treatments exists, what to ask your doctor, what doctors will not tell you and why, is surgery a real option, what is proton beam therapy, what are the side effects of cancer treatment, cancer in 20 and 30 year old men, and more. If you or someone you care about is at risk for cancer, not just prostate cancer, but any cancer, PLEASE listen to this show.
Learn more about Robert Marckini please go to http://www.protonbob.com/.

Interview with Dr Simon Casey

2010-04-09T11:02:00.005-04:00

now on FrankTalks Radio here

Dr. Simon Casey is the author of the book Couples in Chaos: the Dr Jeckle and Mr. Hyde Syndrome. This book is sold on lulu.com Dr. Simon Casey is a nationally known Author, Speaker and Educator. Over the past 20 years, he has established a unique counseling technique that is transformation, results oriented and verifiable. His ground breaking approaches have changed the lives of many. He runs the addictions clinic Capo by the Sea. Today he comes to FrankTalks to talk about Addictions, Mental Disorders and Relationships.

Listen to this interview for FREE here

or on Franks YouTube Channel here

A Frank Interview With Scot McKay

2010-04-07T11:40:00.002-04:00

Scot McKay is a professional dating coach and founder of X & Y Communications.com. He teaches a character-based seduction philosophy, is an online dating consultant, a talk show host. He lives in San Antonio, TX with his wife Emily (who is also a dating coach), three kids and two hairless terriers. Scot has interviewed FBK for his Chick whisperer podcast radio show as well as his special Virtuosity program, and it was time for Frank Kermit to get to know Scot McKay in traditional Pleasures and Lifestyles fashion. In this interview Scot talks about his upbringing, his education, his work with troubled youths and how all that translated into his current work as a dating coach.

Listen to it on YouTube